


The Sins of Saint Beatrice

by GleeCastOST



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Comfort/Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26963263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleeCastOST/pseuds/GleeCastOST
Summary: When Adriel escapes the Vatican, he manages to take Ava with him. Beatrice will do anything to get Ava back, but will she lose herself along the way?
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 113
Kudos: 384





	1. Wrath

**Author's Note:**

> gotta balance out the fluffy halloween fic

It was impossible to tell where her blood ended and Vincent’s began. Beatrice threw another punch into him, then one more. Tears streaked through the dirt that covered her face.

“Where did he take her?!” Beatrice shouted, sounding completely unhinged. Hysterical.

“I’ll die… Before I tell you.” Vincent choked out, his visage coated in scarlet. 

“That can be arranged.” Beatrice growled through gritted teeth. She struck him again, with surprising violence. 

“Don’t forget your… Vows,  _ sister. _ ” Vincent spit, a creepy smile curled across his laps. 

Beatrice raised a hand, using her other arm to pin him against the cobblestones of the square. Before she could deliver the blow, strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her from Vincent’s broken form. 

“Enough, Beatrice.” Lilith whispered, using her supernatural strength to restrain Beatrice’s squirming frame. “Even if he knows, he’ll die before he tells us.” 

“The police are on their way.” Camila noted from beside Lilith, her voice barely composed. “We need to get out of here.” 

“I just need to wrap up a loose end, first.” Mary noted, darkly. She strode towards Vincent’s broken form on the ground, pressing her shotgun directly against his chest. “This is for Shannon.” Mary breathed, before pulling the trigger. Beatrice screamed as the shot echoed against the ancient walls. Not for Vincent’s death, but for the information that died with him. 

The first hour in the van was dead silent. No one spoke nor addressed the glaringly obvious absence of their halo bearer. Beatrice sat alone, in the back row of seats. She was completely still, although her mind was racing. There were a million questions to be asked, none of which had answers. Would Adriel kill Ava right away, or would he keep her alive for information? What did he even want with the halo? If he wasn’t the divine being that the OCS had built their organisation on, what was he? Beatrice wasn’t ready for her beliefs to be challenged, alongside everything else that was going wrong. 

“Beatrice?” Camila’s voice broke through Beatrice’s clouded thoughts. As she took stock of her surroundings, she could see the sunrise in the distance. How many hours had it been? The van was parked at a rural petrol station, empty of her sisters. “Bea?” Camila reached across the seat, placing a gentle hand on Beatrice’s shoulder.

“Yes?” She answered, finally, voice hoarse from disuse. 

“Do you want anything to eat? Or drink?” The concern in Camila’s voice was clear.

“No.”

“Alright…” Camila paused. “Do you want to come out and stretch your legs? Maybe change into the clothes I packed for you?” 

“I… Okay.” Beatrice climbed out of the back seat, her body aching between the injuries from battle and sitting in the same position for hours. Outside of the van, she looked up, the sky pink with the threat of daylight. Under any other circumstances, it might have been beautiful. 

In the trunk, Camila withdrew a small bag, labelled with Beatrice’s name. Alongside it, a bag labelled  _ Ava  _ lay untouched. Even that made Beatrice’s heart ache. 

“Here.” Camila set the bag in her hands. “Do you need help?” 

“No. Thank you sister.” Beatrice nodded, before walking towards the bathroom in a stupor. She felt as though she were watching herself from above - not entirely in reality. 

In the bathroom, Beatrice climbed out of her combat clothes. She held the bloodied fabric in her hands. Part of her was reluctant to change, Ava had touched the sleeve of this outfit. Realistically, it could be the last bit of Ava that Beatrice had left. Meanwhile, her civilian clothes were freshly laundered. Eventually, Beatrice made the switch, looking at her reflection in the mirror. With robotic movements, she pulled her hair back into a neat bun. The sink squeaked as she turned the knob, splashing cold water onto her face. In washing away the dirt and blood, she looked more presentable. 

Back in the van, Camila took the wheel, while Mary got some much needed sleep in the passenger’s seat. Lilith sat in the middle row, while Beatrice remained in the back. 

“I got you this.” Lilith turned and pressed a bottle of water into Beatrice’s hands, along with a sandwich. “In case you change your mind.” 

“Thank you.” Beatrice whispered, grateful for her sister’s kindness, even if she knew she couldn’t eat. Lilith turned back around with a nod. 

As the sun rose around them, Beatrice watched the light reflect off of Lilith’s newly grey hair. Her return raised more questions, more than Beatrice could handle. Yet, perhaps she could provide some answers as well. Adriel had teleported away, just as Lilith could. Was there a new connection between them? Beatrice’s head ached as she considered the possibilities, longing for the library at Cat’s Cradle. There were a plethora of texts there, one of which  _ must  _ have an answer. 

It was night once more as Camila drove up the steep dirt road to the Cradle. Mother Superion was standing on the steps, clearly waiting for their return. Her face was leaden and Beatrice was already dreading the inevitable conversation in their future. As Camila parked, Mary woke up, as did Lilith who had fallen asleep along the way. Beatrice envied their ability to find slumber, angry that they could relax enough to sleep, with Ava in the hands of the enemy. 

“My office. Now.” Mother Superion barked as they climbed from the vehicle. Everyone followed her in silence, their steps echoing against the stone floor of the building. Beatrice shivered, despite the warmth. Moonlight poured through the windows of her office, creating an ethereal glow that lingered despite the lights in the room.

“What happened?” Mother Superion’s question was about as vague as it could possibly be, yet beyond pointed. 

“Adriel is not the angel we thought he was.” Camila was the first to speak. “When… Ava phased into his tomb, she found him alive. And…”

“Vincent killed Shannon.” Mary continued, the anger in her voice undisguised. “He was working with Adriel the entire time.”

“How did you lose the halo?” Mother Superion folded her hands, her knuckles white against one another. 

“The halo?  _ The halo?! _ ” Beatrice echoed, suddenly thrown from the trancelike state she’d been in. “Ava is a  _ person.  _ One of us. She’s so much more than the halo in her back!” 

“Bea…” Camila placed her hand against Beatrice’s lower back. 

“I’m aware of this, sister.” Mother Superion’s face softened. “But this is more dire than if he had taken anyone else. With the power of the halo, the possibilities are… Terrifying.” 

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice bowed her head, ashamed of her outburst. It seemed as though Ava’s absence had taken her decorum.

“I understand your frustration. While I’m sure you are all tired, and probably in need of a visit to the infirmary, I need details of the battle. Even the smallest piece of information might prove invaluable.” She explained, in a quiet voice. 

“Ava fought surprisingly well.” Lilith finally spoke. “She weakened Adriel substantially before…” She trailed off, with a sideways glance at Beatrice. “It seemed like a last resort for him to take her. They were both weak and barely able to stand, but then… He put a hand on her shoulder. Adriel can teleport like I can.” Lilith’s voice was barely a whisper, her eyes locked on the ground. 

“Interesting…”

“Adriel can summon wraiths en masse.” Mary added with venom in her words. “Meaning he can perform mass possession on command. It’s like nothing we’ve ever seen before.” The injuries across Mary’s body could attest to the veracity of her words. 

“Are there any references to this in the archives?” Mother Superion inquired, though her question was directed at Beatrice and Camila more than anyone else. 

“It’s been a few years since I’ve read through those texts.” Beatrice replied, hating herself for every word. If she had been a better member of the Order, maybe Ava would be safe right now. “I can start researching the topic tonight. We might find something to give us an edge.” 

“Absolutely not.” Mother Superion was adamant. “Following this conversation, all of you are to report to the infirmary, then go to bed. For a few hours, at least. If my intel is correct, Adriel will take longer to recover from the exertion of battle than Ava will. Given that, she might find her way back to us on her own.”

“Mother Sup -” Beatrice began to protest, but was interrupted. 

“Enough, sister.” She held up a hand. “I will  _ not  _ risk my four best warriors by sending them back out, injured and exhausted. I’ve already sent out three strike teams, to gather intel and search for any sign of Adriel. Do I make myself clear?” 

“Yes, Mother Superion.” Camila answered for Beatrice, who hung her head. 

“Very well.” Mother Superion nodded at all of them. “Mary, Camila, and Lilith. Please head down to the infirmary and get checked out. Beatrice, please stay for a word.” Each of the sisters did as they were told, leaving Beatrice alone in the belly of the beast. Mary patted her on the shoulder on her way out, a small comfort from an old friend. 

“Sister Beatrice.” Mother Superion began, her silhouette juxtaposed against the dark window. “I know you and Ava are close. I promise you that we’ll do everything in our power to bring her back to us. But…” She paused, closing her eyes with a small sigh. “I couldn’t bear to see you tear yourself apart over this.” Needless to say, Beatrice was stunned at the sentiment.    
“I understand.” Beatrice mumbled.

“Come here.” Mother Superion ordered as she rose from the desk. Beatrice did as she was told, crossing the room in short steps. 

Mother Superion pulled Beatrice into a tight hug, holding her for several seconds. It was everything Beatrice could do not to break down and cry in that moment. As they broke apart, Mother Superion kept a hand on each of Beatrice’s shoulders, holding her tightly. 

“Go to the infirmary and get cleaned up. I promise I’ll do everything I can to bring Ava back to us. I know she’s special to you.” 

“Thank you.” Beatrice nodded and retreated from the room.

Meanwhile, in the infirmary, Camila spoke softly as a nun stitched up a wound on her leg. “Normally, I think Ava would be the only one blunt enough to ask but…” She hesitated for a moment at the thought of their halo bearer. “Lilith, how  _ exactly  _ did you teleport from Spain to the Vatican?” 

“I don’t know. I just… I was at ArqTech, but I knew I needed to be alongside you all, in battle. Part of me could sense Adriel? I’m not sure…” Lilith answered as another nun fussed over her. During the best of times, Lilith was a taciturn woman, but now… Now, it was almost as if she’d completely retreated within. 

“Are neither of you going to mention how  _ fucked up _ Beatrice is about this?” Mary spoke from the adjacent chair, where she was being examined. 

“She and Ava are close. Knowing Beatrice, she probably blames herself for this. A contingency plan she hadn’t thought of…” Camila reasoned, her face even darker than it had been a minute ago. 

“They’re more than close.” Mary could feel her body tense up, she knew  _ exactly  _ how Beatrice felt. “I know what it’s like to love a halo bearer, only to lose them.” 

“Ava’s not lost.” Lilith interjected in a whisper. 

“In Beatrice’s mind right now, she might as well be.” Mary retorted, slightly too sharp. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Just… Well, I know what she’s going through right now.” 

“Are we going to get through this?” Camila’s voice was barely audible - thick with fear.

“We don’t have a choice.” Mary answered. Both Camila and Lilith appreciated her confidence in the moment, even if it was false. 

That night, Beatrice laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her hair was still wet from the shower and her wounds were now dressed, but she felt nothing. No hunger, nor thirst, nor pain. An angry numbness occupied her like a vessel, a restless demon living in her soul. She knew she needed to sleep, for Ava’s sake if not her own, yet slumber proved itself elusive. 


	2. Gluttony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice struggles to discern reality from memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this date marks 250K words of WN fanfic! quarter million, baby!!!!!

Beatrice rose early, too early. It was still dark, but after a few fitful hours, she’d had more sleep than she could stomach. Who did she think she was, anyhow? Sleeping while Ava was in trouble? The careless audacity of it made her chest ache. Her room was cold as she rose, but she barely felt it, even as the freezing cobblestones stung her bare feet. In the hallway, Beatrice’s footsteps echoed, hanging in the emptiness. With a sick smile, she realised that no hallway could ever be as empty as her. 

Her intention was to slip into Mother Superion’s office before the older nun woke, to check for news from any of the other teams. As she swung open the ancient door, however, Mother Superion was already situated behind the desk. 

“It’s customary to knock, sister.” 

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice bowed slightly. “I thought that -”

“That I would still be asleep and you could check for news from the strike teams?” Mother Superion saw through her plans in an instant. 

Normally, Beatrice was smarter than this. She would have been several steps ahead of everyone, a natural born strategist. In her desperate grief, however, this was not the case. 

“Yes.” She conceded.

“I wish I had good news for you.” Mother Superion’s face was ashen, she looked as she hadn’t gone to bed yet. 

“But you don’t?” Beatrice’s ears began to ring, the room spinning slightly around her. 

“I’m afraid not.” She glanced down at her desk, over the several reports she’d printed out. “There’s no sign of Adriel or Ava.”

“I understand.” Beatrice replied, her voice suddenly constricted, as she desperately tried to hold herself together. 

“I promise I’ll send for you at the first lead we get. For now, I need you to try and get some rest. When the time comes, I’ll need both you and your sisters at your best. Do I make myself understood?” Mother Superion spoke with authority. Her strictness came from a desire to protect her girls, rather than the need to be vindictive.

“Yes.” Beatrice ducked from the room, knowing that she was about to disobey a direct order for the first time since she’d joined the OCS.

In the training room, there were already a few sisters training. Beatrice paid them no mind as she crossed into the corner of the room, sitting cross-legged on one of the mats. As calmly as she could manage, she worked through her warmup. Almost in an instant, her mind was far from Cat’s Cradle, thinking (and worrying) about the halo bearer. 

“Sister Beatrice?” One of the younger nuns stood before her, snapping Beatrice back to reality in an instant. It made her angry, irrationally so, that someone would interrupt her thoughts of Ava. Her memories may be all that she has left; Beatrice didn’t even have a photo of Ava to hold on to. 

“Yes?” Beatrice replied, careful to hide her inner turmoil. 

“Would you like to come spar with us? You’re one of the best, we could learn a lot from you.” The younger nun asked, carefully choosing her words. The battle in the Vatican wasn’t a secret - in truth, there were very few secrets within their ranks. 

“Alright.” Beatrice stood, following her over to the center of the room. 

“We’re working on blocking attacks today.” Another one of the sisters added in a shy voice.

“I’ll try to give you something to block, then.” Beatrice replied, before bowing and adopting her familiar fighting stance. One of the sisters, sister Abigail, stepping onto the mat to meet Beatrice in combat. 

As soon as they began to circle around each other, Beatrice was back in the Vatican. Sister Abigail shifted her weight carefully, preparing for a strike. She was a good fighter in her own right, but Beatrice was unmatched within the OCS. Likely outside of it, too. A punch was thrown, then another, although Beatrice dodged them both without effort. 

Quickly, Beatrice retaliated, forcing Abigail to take several steps backwards. This sudden, violent movement elicited a gasp from the group of nuns that were now watching the fight. As they continued to trade blows, Beatrice felt her mind slip further into the past, until it was Adriel standing in front of her, not one of her fellow sisters. 

At the sight of him, Beatrice gritted her teeth. She was determined, for Ava’s sake if not her own. Abigail stepped forward, launching a well-placed kick into Beatrice’s rib cage. With deft movements, Beatrice caught her leg, spinning it forcefully. A heavy thud echoed through the room as Abigail slammed into the mat. 

Everyone in the room seemed to release a collective breath at that moment, a nervous tension that had filled the air. Beatrice had been unnecessarily rough during their sparring session, a significantly uncharacteristic trait. The fight wasn’t over yet, though. As Abigail tried to push herself up, Beatrice pinned her to the ground with one hand, raising the other into the air. She was still in the Vatican, still fighting Adriel - although this wasn’t clear to any of the spectators. 

Just as Beatrice was about to punch Abigail, a complete break in sparring customs and respect, a strong set of hands ripped her away. 

“Beatrice! Enough!” Camila shouted, dragging Beatrice halfway across the mat. Only then, did she realise where she was, feeling both anger and shame at the reality of her situation. “Outside, now!” Camila commanded, forcing Beatrice to her feet and pushing her through the side door that led into the courtyard.

“What was that?” Camila asked, obviously angry, once they were alone. The sun was rising, filling the skies with similar hues to that of the day prior. Beatrice remembered that day, the horrendous car ride away from the Vatican, away from Ava. “Beatrice? Are you listening to me?” Camila spoke again, as Beatrice stared across the courtyard, looking at nothing in particular.

“What?” She finally managed to answer as Camila broke through her deafening thoughts. 

“What was that?” Camila repeated herself. Beatrice had _never_ seen her this frustrated before. 

“I…” Beatrice worked hard to focus, trying to remain present. “I thought I was back there… Everything was different.” Normally, Beatrice’s sentences were eloquent and well-constructed. Now, however, they seemed disjointed and broken. Just like she was.

“Explain.” Camila softened as she took Beatrice’s hands in her own, willing her to calm down enough to clarify. 

“I was… When we started fighting…” She paused, trying to force a few deep breaths into her chest. “I thought I was back in the Vatican. Only, it wasn’t Sister Abigail anymore, I was fighting…” Beatrice couldn’t say his name, but Camila understood.

“Oh, Bea.” 

Camila pulled Beatrice into a tight hug, the anger from before all but forgotten. At the gesture, Beatrice couldn’t remain strong anymore. Strong sobs shook her chest, so hard, that her body ached with their force. It was cathartic - yet painful. Beatrice cried with such an intensity, that she didn’t know if she could survive another minute of the torture. Yet, another came. 

Several minutes passed, before Beatrice felt strong enough to stand on her own. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, as she regained her voice.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Camila kept Beatrice close, her concern for Beatrice evident in her mannerisms. “I can’t understand how you are feeling, not entirely.” Camila exhaled sharply, weighing her thoughts. “But we’re all here for you. We’re going to get her back, I promise. I have faith.”

“I wish I was as optimistic as you, Camila.” Beatrice tried to smile at her younger sister, although the action in itself felt hollow.

“I’ll just have to double my faith in you, until you get there.” Camila returned Beatrice’s smile, yet it was equally false. It seemed everyone was held together by blind faith, lately. 

“I appreciate that, sister. I’d better get back to training, then.”

“With all due respect, absolutely not.” Camila caught Beatrice’s arm as she tried to turn back into the building. “Mother Superion specifically ordered for you, for all of us, to rest today.”

“I know that, but…” Beatrice hated how carefully Camila was treating her. 

“But nothing.” Camila was beyond adamant. “If you _insist_ on training today, it’s non-contact only. Whatever happened back there was not okay.”

“I don’t… Know what to do with myself.” Beatrice admitted, surprising even herself with her candor.

“I don’t think… I mean, without _her…_ ” Camila trailed off, her longing for Ava’s safe return was nearly as desperate as Beatrice’s.

“Trust me, I know.” Beatrice’s voice was dark. 

“What are we going to do?” Camila’s calm exterior showed the first signs of cracking. “Because… If we can’t or… If she’s de-”

“That’s not a reality I can entertain right now.” Beatrice told her, before walking away, heading across the courtyard and into the residential section of Cat’s Cradle.

Thankfully, Beatrice made it to her room before the tears began to fall once more. She slammed the door shut and leaned against it, sinking slowly to the floor. Her mind quickly wandered, taking her back to her time at ArqTech, when she helped Ava learn how to phase longer distances. If Beatrice focused, she could still remember the feeling of Ava’s hands over her own, the closeness between them. 

With a strangled shout, Beatrice slammed her first into the stone wall next to her. Then again, and again. The cold stone and pain did nothing to ease the aching in her soul. It was an agony worse than any injury; it was as though her chest was caving in. She could barely breathe nor think, the pain was too great. 

She stayed wrapped on the floor for hours, although Beatrice felt as though she had lost her grasp on the concept of time. There was only before Ava, and after Ava, a marked distinction in her now-broken life. As the blood on her fist dried against her shaking hands, there was a knock at the door. For a brief, shameful moment, Beatrice jumped up, thinking that it was Ava. For the thousandth time, grief washed over her anew, as she realised Ava wasn’t here. Ava might _never_ be here again. 

Mary stood in the doorway as Beatrice reluctantly opened it. “I brought you something to eat.” Like Camila, Mary seemed to be walking on eggshells around Beatrice, extraordinarily careful with her words. This alone was completely out of Mary’s character. Yet, Mary understood Beatrice’s predicament better than anyone.

“I’m not hungry.” Beatrice answered, automatically and without thought. She was still having trouble discerning reality from the jagged edges of her memories.

“I know, but I don’t care.” Mary guided Beatrice to her desk, setting the tray of food down in front of her. “I’m pretty sure you haven’t eaten in two days.”

“I haven’t.” Beatrice admitted, although she hadn’t felt hunger. She’d barely felt anything, really, other than the angry guilt that seemed to chew at her consciousness. 

“Eat.” Mary commanded, leaning up against the wall, never taking her eyes off Beatrice.

“Alright.” Unwilling to fight, Beatrice tenderly lifted the fork, trying to will herself into eating. The food tasted like ash, like nothing.

While Beatrice slowly tried to eat, Mary watched over her. Her heart still ached for Shannon, in a sick, unexplainably hollow way. Seeing Beatrice suffer like this, so soon after… It was almost unimaginable. Sure, there was a chance that Ava could survive all of this, and return back to them, but Mary wasn’t optimistic about her chances. She’d witnessed Adriel’s power first hand. It was terrifying. Even _if_ Ava returned, Beatrice’s suffering would leave a mark on her forever. 

Camila had explained to Mary what happened at training this morning, before she came to bring Beatrice her food. Between that, and the bloody scrapes that decorated her knuckles, Beatrice’s loss of control was palpable. Perhaps more startlingly, her brilliant mind seemed to be somewhere else completely, existing separate to her husk of a body. To say that Mary was worried about Beatrice, about all her sisters, would be a colossal understatement.

  
  



	3. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice finds a way to stay strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alaskan bush people is underrated, dont @ me

Ava was in her arms, Beatrice could smell her hair as they hugged. She cried at the relief of seeing Ava alive, tears soaking the shoulder of Ava’s shirt. They held one another for several minutes and Beatrice desperately hoped that Ava could understand the feelings that she couldn’t yet put into words. As they broke apart, Ava took Beatrice’s face in her hands, speaking softly. 

“It’s okay, Beatrice. I’m okay.” 

“I was so worried about you.” Beatrice could hear herself sob, an ugly, primal noise. Yet, she didn’t care. In the wake of Ava’s return, all decorum was lost, but that was a small price to pay for the halo bearer. 

“It’s okay.” Ava repeated, tucking away a stray strand of Beatrice’s dark hair. 

“Ava…” Beatrice whispered, the darkness of the last two days evaporating around her, as if Ava was the light. 

“Beatrice!” A sharp voice rang out, full of worry. “Bea! Wake up!” 

“Hmmm?” Beatrice opened her eyes, Camila was standing over her bed. It was cold. It was dark. As the realisation hit her, she felt the newly familiar surge of anger course through her. 

“One of the strike teams found Ava, Mother Superion told me to come get you immediately. She knew… She knew that you’d want to be notified.” Camila explained, quickly. Beatrice jumped from the bed, not bothering to change out of her pajamas. 

At a run, she crossed the courtyard, her bare feet slapping the stones. Camila stayed a few paces behind her, likely an intentional decision, rather than her inability to keep up. Not unlike her body, Beatrice’s mind was racing. Was Ava okay? Would she be? What information did she have about Adriel - if any? There were a thousand questions to be asked and only the halo bearer could answer them.

“Beatrice, take a seat.” Mother Superion gestured to the chairs in front of her desk. Beatrice followed the order, as did Camila. A few minutes later, both Mary and Lilith joined them.

“Where is she? How did you find her?” Beatrice spoke quickly, betraying her nervousness.

“There was a huge explosion. In rural France. One of the teams was nearby, they found Ava…” She trailed off, her gaze settling on Beatrice. 

“Is she…?” Beatrice choked, unable to even verbalise her thoughts. Mary placed a hand on her shoulder, knowing more than anyone what Beatrice must be feeling. 

“She’s alive.” Mother Superion addressed them, her voice tense. “Sister Ruth called me a few minutes ago. They’re on their way back. It should be an hour or two.” 

“Mother Superion, with all due respect, it seems as though there’s something you aren’t telling us.” Lilith spoke in measured tones, stating what they all had been thinking. 

Mother Superion turned away from them, turning to look out the window. It was still dark and the moon hung low over the horizon. Beatrice could feel herself shiver, her mind still half caught in the dream she’d been having. 

“Apparently, Ava wasn’t willing to speak with anyone on the team that picked her up. Sister Ruth described it as: _She doesn’t seem like the halo bearer I knew before._ ” 

At Mother Superion’s words, Beatrice could feel her heartbeat, and could hear the blood rushing in her ears. She’d prayed for Ava’s safe return, although with a sick feeling, she realised she’d been more focused on the safe return of her body. Was Ava’s change in behaviour Beatrice’s fault? Had her inadequate prayers caused this? Logically, Beatrice knew that these thoughts were both selfish and ridiculous, but she was far from rational at that moment.

“What does that mean?” Mary wondered aloud, her hand still firmly pressed into Beatrice’s shoulder. 

“I’m not sure.” Mother Superion answered. “We’ll have to wait until she returns to assess the situation.” 

“Assess the situation?!” Beatrice echoed, feeling the angry ocean swell within her once more. This was eerily familiar to the last time Beatrice had yelled at Mother Superion. It was something she had never done before, but for Ava… There was no limit to the rules that Beatrice would break.

“Sister…” Camila cautioned, her eyes full of worry. 

“Ava is a _person_ , not a situation!” Beatrice was standing now, a rare sight in pajamas and messy hair. 

“Beatrice, enough!” Lilith replied before Mother Superion could speak. She flew from her chair, positioning herself in front of Beatrice’s shaking frame. Gently, surprisingly so, she took Beatrice’s hands in her own. 

“Hey. Look at me.” Lilith forced eye contact between them, willing Beatrice to remain present. “We’re all worried for Ava, okay? Once she returns, you know that everyone here will do whatever is needed to help her. But she’s going to need you. The _whole_ you. If you can’t be strong for yourself, be strong for her. For us.” Lilith whispered, as her sisters looked on in admiration. 

“I… I’m sorry.” Beatrice stuttered, tears hot on her face. She sat back down, her gaze firmly fixed on the floor. 

“We’re all concerned about the well-being of the halo bearer. But, we also need to plan for our eventual conflict with Adriel. Ava is not _only_ the warrior nun; she may have valuable information that could lead to his defeat.” Mother Superion spoke as gently as possible. Emotions were running high, but she was terrified for her girls to face Adriel once more. 

“Did the team find any evidence of Adriel?” Beatrice asked, trying to regain her composure and contribute. 

“Not that I’m aware of.” Mother Superion leaned over the desk, sighing as she did so. “But Sister Ruth may have more information for us upon her return.” She added, leaving the obvious unsaid. If anyone was going to have information, it’d be Ava.

Following Mother Superion’s briefing, Beatrice sat on the steps of Cat’s Cradle. Her eyes were fixed on the winding, dirt road, waiting for headlights to appear. She shivered in the cold, her feet were still bare and she was wearing only her pajamas. Yet, Beatrice barely felt it. In her mind, she was wildly running through the possibilities of Ava’s return. Each scenario was worse than the last, yet she couldn’t seem to reign in her thoughts. It was a discipline that Beatrice had grown accustomed to over the last several years, a discipline that Ava’s absence had broken in moments. 

Camila interrupted her thoughts, appearing from seemingly nowhere. With calm movements, she laid a blanket over Beatrice’s shoulders and sat by her side. Neither woman spoke for several minutes, the sound of crickets filling the air around them. Eventually, Camila spoke, breaking the silence. 

“Are you okay?” She paused, briefly, before continuing. “That’s a stupid question. I know you’re not. None of us are. I just… We’re here for you, okay? And we’re here for Ava. I have faith that we’ll get through this.” 

“I wish I did too.” Beatrice mumbled, although she was grateful that Camila had joined her. It was getting more difficult to remain grounded in reality. 

“I’ll have to double my faith then, won’t I?” Camila attempted to smile, but it was hollow. Beatrice hated to see that.

“I’m worried about her.” Beatrice admitted the obvious. 

“I know. We all are. We’ve never faced a challenge this great. _The OCS_ has never faced a challenge this great. We’re in completely uncharted territory. Faith is all we have.” Camila’s fear was evident in her words. She was so young, so new, Beatrice almost wished Camila had never joined the order. In her short tenure, she’d been through so much. Desperately, Beatrice hoped it wouldn’t rob Camila of her light. 

Before they could continue their conversation, headlights appeared in the distance. Beatrice stood, staring at the vehicle. She felt sick, as though at any moment she might vomit or faint. Lilith’s words echoed in her head. For Ava, she could be strong. Almost unconsciously, Beatrice knew that seeing Ava, regardless of the state she was in, would renew her strength. And hopefully, her faith. 

It seemed like hours before the OCS van pulled up and parked in front of the building. Sister Ruth was the first one of the car, flashing Camila and Beatrice a worried, sympathetic glance. Beatrice held her breath as the back door slid open, and Ava stepped out. She was still wearing the same clothes she’d fought Adriel in, filthy with dirt and blood. As their eyes met, Beatrice thought she would explode. It was Ava, _her Ava._ Yet, there was something different, something wrong. 

These thoughts ripped through Beatrice’s head in an instant, for only as long as it took her to close the distance between her and Ava. Normally, Beatrice was the picture of refinement. When she crashed into Ava that night, she was anything but. It was like her dream had come true, albeit under much darker circumstances. More worryingly, Ava made no move to hug her back. Within the embrace, Beatrice could feel the aching tightness of Ava’s muscles, the shakes that reverberated through her body. 

This was not Ava. The halo bearer that stood before her was hollow. Beatrice stepped back, allowing Camila to throw her arms around the halo bearer. She embraced the familiar frustration as she watched Ava fail to respond once more. She _would_ kill Adriel. Even if it was the last thing Beatrice did, she swore she'd kill him. Brutally. Her vows seemed to evaporate in her anger, the revenge so justified that _God_ would have to understand. 

After a few moments, Beatrice took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She thought of Lilith’s words once more. Instead of giving up on her plans of revenge, she shelved them for a moment. Right now, she needed to focus on Ava. Slowly, Beatrice extended a hand to her, an offer of goodwill. Ava’s eyes followed the movement, then met Beatrice’s. 

“Come on. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” Beatrice breathed, forcing herself to be as calm as possible. She didn’t want Ava to know the demon she’d become. Timidly, Ava took Beatrice’s hand and followed her into the building, leaving Camila to debrief with Sister Ruth’s team. Beatrice knew that Camila and Mother Superion would fill her in on the details in the morning. Right now, she had more important tasks to fulfill. 

Their steps echoed through the quiet, empty halls, just as Beatrice’s did the day before. With one hand in Ava’s, she used the other to push open the bathroom door. She gently guided Ava to the bench, before grabbing a washcloth from the shelf. The sink rushed to life as she turned the handle, and Beatrice allowed the water to warm up. 

Returning to Ava, Beatrice gently wiped the blood and dirt from her face. She barely moved as Beatrice worked nor did she give any indication that she was present. Idly, Beatrice wondered if that was what she had looked like these past few days. 

“Do you want to take a shower? I can run and get you some pajamas.” Beatrice offered, running a hand over the ripped and bloodied edge of Ava’s shirt. Halo or otherwise, these wounds weren’t painless. 

“Okay.” Ava rasped, finally responding. Even in those dark, dire moments, hearing Ava’s voice made Beatrice’s heart skip a beat.

“Alright. Leave these on the ground, I’ll take care of them.” Beatrice instructed as she gestured to Ava’s clothes. “I’ll be right back. Do you want me to wait outside until you’re done?”

“No.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Beatrice didn’t ask for clarification, knowing full well that she wasn’t going to get it. She stood up, hating to leave Ava for even a second, but she turned around and sprinted down the hallway. 

It was cold in Ava’s room when she got there. Everything was cold lately, it seemed. A shiver ran down Beatrice’s spine as she dug through Ava’s dresser, looking for a pair of pajamas. She found some, the same standard issue pair that she herself was currently wearing. Upon her discovery, Beatrice sprinted back to the bathroom. It had only been a minute, but Ava had managed to undress and climb into the shower. Steam filled the room as Beatrice picked up Ava’s discarded clothes from the floor and dumped them into the laundry basket. Then, she folded Ava’s pajamas, several times over, until each seam was perfect. Beatrice knew that Ava wouldn’t notice, but she needed something to occupy her hands. Even under these conditions, being in such close proximity to Ava made her excitedly nervous. 

As the water turned off, Beatrice turned around, her back to the shower. She heard Ava grab her towel and dry off, before stepping onto the tile floor. On the other side of the bench, Ava picked up the pajamas, stepping into them with robotic movements. They were so close that Beatrice could feel the shower’s warmth radiating off the halo bearer. 

“Are you dressed?” Beatrice whispered, after a few moments of quiet. 

“Yes.” Again, Ava answered in a single, hoarse syllable. 

“Do you want anything to eat before bed?” Beatrice would be remiss if she didn’t ask, Ava was nearly always hungry. 

“No.”

“Alright. Let’s go, then.” 

For the second time that night, Beatrice extended a hand to Ava, and led her down the corridor. Fervently, Beatrice longed for a reality where she and Ava could have held hands for the first time on a happy occasion. Beatrice knew she didn’t deserve that, but Ava definitely did. As they crossed into Ava’s room, the halo bearer stood for a moment, regarding the empty walls and unmade bed. Her face was leaden and unreadable, yet Beatrice’s chest ached at the thought of Ava’s smile. 

With tired motions, Ava crossed the room and climbed into the cold bed. Beatrice looked on, her emotions and thoughts a swirling mess. It’d probably take years to untangle them. After a moment’s hesitation, Beatrice crossed the room and stood beside Ava’s bed. She leaned down, placing the lightest of kisses on her forehead.

“I’m going to go now, but you know where my room is. Please, come find me if you need anything.” Beatrice righted herself, trying to ignore the threat of tears burning her throat. “Goodnight, Ava.” She turned to leave, but a quick hand caught her wrist.

“Please. Stay.”


	4. Chastity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava reveals some information about Adriel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my mom got a tik tok :/

Beatrice awoke before Ava, startled by their closeness in the early morning. With slow, gentle movements, Beatrice extricated herself from Ava’s arms. She stood up, turning to look back down at the halo bearer. In slumber she looked happy; or, at least, less hollow than she had last night. As Beatrice reached for the door to leave, Ava’s voice pierced the silence. 

“Beatrice.” It was quiet, but unmistakable. 

“Yes?” Beatrice replied, in a whisper. She felt as though she had been caught, as if she was sneaking away from something. 

“Thank you. For staying.” Four words in a row, a new record since Ava’s return. 

“You’re welcome.”

Ava pulled herself into a sitting position, her eyes firmly fixed on Beatrice. They both stared at one another for a minute, the only sound coming from the birds chirping outside. In that moment, Beatrice knew, resolutely, that she’d do anything for Ava. Not for the halo bearer, for  _ Ava. _

“Am I in trouble?” Ava asked, her words unmistakably nervous.

“What?” Whatever Beatrice had been expecting, it wasn’t that. 

“Am I in trouble?” Ava repeated herself, then clarified. “Because… I failed the mission. And Adri -...” She trailed off, unable to complete her thought. 

“Ava…” Beatrice returned to the bed, sitting next to Ava. She couldn’t deny how much she liked the taste of Ava’s name in her mouth. “You’re not in trouble. All I - we wanted was for you to return home to us.”

“I’m here.” The  _ tiniest  _ hint of a smile played across Ava’s face. “Home.” 

“You are. I don’t know…” Beatrice was unsure if she wanted to continue, unsure if it would be too much for Ava. “I don’t know what happened to you with… Him. But, you’re safe now. We’ll do everything we can to protect you.” 

To Beatrice’s great relief, Ava didn’t immediately recoil at her words. “I have information.”

“Mother Superion will want to know. We all will.” Beatrice replied.

“I know. It was… Horrible.” Ava told Beatrice the obvious.

“I can’t imagine.” She reached out and squeezed Ava’s hand. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I thought of you. While I was… While he was…” Ava stuttered, her sentences ending prematurely. 

At the thought of Ava thinking of her, the way she had thought of Ava, Beatrice felt as though she might combust. As if the slightest touch would reduce her to dust, to ash. They were so close, their faces only a few inches away. She couldn’t help but let her eyes fall to Ava’s lips, while painfully aware that Ava was doing the same. Before anything happened, Beatrice stood, abruptly. It was painful. 

“You must be hungry?” Beatrice knew her voice sounded tight and strangled. 

“I am.” Ava answered, her cheeks newly flushed. 

“Do you want to go get breakfast then? Everyone will be beyond happy to see you.” Beatrice sounded awkward, the timing of her sentences was completely off. 

“Okay.” Ava slid off the bed and stood up, forcing Beatrice to take a step back. She couldn’t stand being this close to Ava, yet, being farther away seemed unbearable too. 

As they entered the massive dining room, Ava drew plenty of stares. The younger nuns looked at her like a hero who had returned. As far as Beatrice could tell, Ava either ignored it, or hadn’t noticed. Camila hugged Ava again, kissing her on each cheek. Mary was next, clapping Ava on the back as she tried to hold back her tears. 

“It’s good to have you back.” Mary whispered.

Finally, Lilith stepped forward, embracing Ava quickly. “Thank you. For surviving.” Lilith mumbled, audible only to Ava. 

The five of them sat down. Beatrice watched as Ava picked at her breakfast. Then, she turned to her other sisters. It seemed as though no one had much of an appetite this morning, herself included. There was no conversation, either, a dead silence hung over the table. Ava excused herself first, suddenly pushing her chair back.

“I’m going to speak with Mother Superion.” She announced quietly, before swiftly leaving. 

Beatrice’s eyes followed her, watching Ava careful as she left. Following her departure, Camila spoke first.

“Beatrice, did she tell you what happened?” Her voice was full of concern. 

“No.” Beatrice stared at the wooden tabletop, unwilling to meet Camila’s gaze. “I can’t imagine it was good, though. She’s come back  _ wrong. _ ” 

“At least your halo bearer came back.” Mary bit, before immediately regretting it. The last few days had taken a toll on all of them, but her remark was clearly too much. 

Camila gasped, but Lilith only watched as Beatrice looked at Mary. Her face was calm, almost unnervingly so. 

“That’s hardly fair.” Beatrice finally whispered, before leaving the room to join Ava in the office. 

“Mary, you ha -” Camila began, before getting interrupted. 

“I know, I know.” Mary held up a hand and she felt tears burn her eyes once more. “I shouldn’t have said that. Just… I’m sorry.” Mary hung her head for a moment, before rushing out into the hall, presumably to catch Beatrice and apologise. 

“That was hard to watch.” Lilith told Camila. They were the only two people left at the table. 

“It was.” Camila agreed, before looking curiously at Lilith. “You’re not wearing your habit, sister.” 

“After my sojourn in  _ Hell,  _ I thought it best not to.” Lilith answered with venom on her tongue, but she quickly softened. “Sorry. It’s not you I’m angry with.” 

“I’m sorry.” Camila mumbled.

“We should join our sisters in the office. Ava’s information will likely be critical to our success.” Lilith explained, suddenly detached, as she stood to leave. 

For a silent minute, Camila sat at the table alone. She’d been terrified they’d lost Ava, scared that Beatrice had lost herself. But now, she was confronted with the truth. The much darker, imposing truth. All of her sisters were broken, in their own ways. If they wanted to have any chance of defeating Adriel, they’d need to find a way to heal and move past this. Camila was always optimistic, but today, she found it hard to have hope. 

Ava knocked on Mother Superion’s door. “Come in.” Her voice rang out from the other side of the office. Slowly, Ava pushed on the door, still scared that she might be in trouble. 

“Ava.” Mother Superion stood in the presence of the halo bearer and quickly crossed the room. She surprised Ava with a hug, although like all the others, Ava didn’t return the gesture. 

“Mother Superion.” Ava greeted her, perhaps too formally, as Mother Superion returned to the seat behind her desk. 

“I know that it might be hard to talk about, especially so soon, but any information you have about Adriel could be crucial.” Mother Superion began, feeling guilty as Ava flinched at the mention of his name. 

“I know. That’s why I’m here.” 

“Take a seat, Ava.” 

In the hallway, Mary caught Beatrice’s arm, forcing her to turn around. “I’m sorry, Beatrice.” Mary panted, having run to catch up with Beatrice in the first place. 

“It’s…” Beatrice stopped. She tried to understand the situation from Mary’s perspective. If it had been Ava that had died that night… Well, even with the possibility of Ava’s death, Beatrice had nearly lost herself completely. “It’s alright. I understand.” Beatrice finally said.

“Really?” Mary released Beatrice’s arm, slightly surprised. 

“Yes. I was frustrated for a moment, but I understand where you are coming from.” Beatrice’s tone was measured and neutral, an obvious sign she was repressing the bulk of her emotions. 

“Thank you.” 

“And Mary? I’m sorry too.” 

“Why?”

“I haven’t been a good sister to anyone since we got back, least of all you. I can’t imagine it’s been easy for you to wait and see if we’d lost another halo bearer.” Beatrice explained.

“You have no idea.” Mary replied in a hoarse whisper. 

“Come here.” Beatrice ordered, as she opened her arms. Mary obliged and they hugged one another, a mutual understanding between them. 

“I take it you two made up?” Lilith asked as she rounded the corner. 

“You could say that.” Mary smiled, slightly, while Beatrice only nodded. 

A moment later, Camila joined them. “We should get in there. I think it’d be better for Ava.” She mumbled, knocking on Mother Superion’s door. 

Everyone took a seat, quietly, as Ava took a deep breath and prepared to launch into her explanation of what happened. Beatrice desperately wanted to reach for her, to provide comfort to Ava.

“To start, Adriel can read minds.” Ava began, her voice shaky. “At least, he can read mine. When he’s close.” She spoke in sentence fragments, but it was still more than she’d said since returning. Despite the awful subject matter, Beatrice was ecstatic to hear Ava’s voice. 

“That certainly makes matters more complicated.” Mother Superion whispered, her face neutral. 

“It does.” Ava nodded. “It makes him much more difficult to fight, since he can tell exactly what you’re going to do, before you do it.”

“Do you know if there’s any way to counter it?” Mother Superion asked.

“I’m not sure.” Ava looked down, her cheeks burned in shame. “But I can read his thoughts, too.”

“You can?” Camila seemed surprised. She’d never read about this in any of the archives. Then again, Ava’s challenges as the halo bearer had been of a much higher calibre than the warrior nuns of the past.

“Yes.” Ava answered. Beatrice watched her, barely able to focus on the conversation. “His mind is an ugly place. He doesn’t think like we do. At least, not like I do.” Ava paused and took a deep breath, her hands shaking as she continued. “He doesn’t think like a human. It’s so…  _ Violent.  _ Primal, even.”

“Do you know what his next move will be?” Mother Superion inquired, suppressing the shiver she felt from Ava’s explanation. 

“He’s looking for something.” Ava sighed. “I don’t know what, exactly. A weapon, perhaps. He thinks he can’t destroy the OCS without it. I’m sorry… I wish I knew more.” 

“Ava. You’ve done plenty just by getting back to us safely.” Mother Superion offered her a small smile, but it went unreturned. “We can have a team begin research right away. In the meantime, I’d like you and your sisters to rest, recover, and train. You’ll all need to be in fighting shape when the time comes.” 

“Understood.” Ava nodded, her verbosity seeming to dry up with the order.

“Very good.” Mother Superion nodded, then began to give out orders. “Mary and Lilith, please go brief our combat leaders on Adriel. They’ll need the new information to develop training strategies. Camila, please go begin organising a research team.” The three of them left the room at once, without another word. 

“Ava.” Mother Superion continued, looking directly at the halo bearer. “Ideally, I’d like you to rest today. I know it might be difficult, you might feel restless, but I think it’s in your best interest.” 

“I can do it.” Ava whispered. She felt restless, but she didn’t want to disobey the order. As the halo bearer, she was supposed to be a leader.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Mother Superion nodded, dismissing Ava. She left quietly, although Beatrice didn’t miss the subtle shake in her shoulders, or the tremor in her hands.

“As much as I’d like you on the research team, we’ll need to trust Camila and some of the other sisters to that task.” Mother Superion explained once the two of them were alone. 

“Why?” 

“I need you to look after Ava.” She exhaled sharply, watching the expression on Beatrice’s face. “I know you two are close, she trusts you more than anyone else here. She’s obviously not okay, after whatever happened with Adriel. We need to help her recover from this, and soon, or it will be a short life for us all.” 

“I understand.” Beatrice mumbled, trying to keep herself from imploding. She had been terrified that her duties would prevent her from watching over Ava. Now, however, she had no excuse. Of course, this was as much a curse as it was a blessing. With such little space between them, the temptation was all but irresistible. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” Mother Superion nodded, before dismissing Beatrice from the office. 

A few minutes later, Beatrice stood outside Ava’s door. She lifted a hand to knock, but the door swung open before she had the chance. 

“Hi, Beatrice.” Ava greeted her, still cold and unsmiling.

“How did you know I was here?” Beatrice wondered aloud as she crossed into the room. She knew she had been silent in her journey through the corridor. 

“The halo told me.” Ava whispered, as if that was a perfect explanation in itself.


	5. Charity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Ava talk. That's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> krampus

“The halo told you?” Beatrice echoed as she closed the door behind her. 

“Yes.” 

“Ava, please. I need more of an explanation than that.” 

“Sometimes, the halo whispers to me.” Ava sighed, wringing out her hands. “No, that’s not exactly it. I can’t _hear_ it, but I can feel it.” 

“Oh?” Beatrice raised an eyebrow.

“It usually hums when you are near.” She added in a hushed voice. 

“It does?” Beatrice could barely breathe. 

“Here. Feel.” Ava turned, until her back was facing Beatrice. Shamelessly, she pulled the back of her shirt up, revealing the perfectly symmetrical scar. Timidly, Beatrice extended a hand, placing it on Ava’s smooth skin. A gasp escaped Beatrice’s mouth as she felt the warmth of the halo, it almost seemed to be responding to her touch. 

After a moment, Beatrice removed her hand and Ava dropped her shirt back down. “Do you understand now?” 

“Yes.” Beatrice whispered. “I can’t imagine living with that inside you, constantly.” 

“It isn’t always like that…” Ava neglected to explain further, instead opting to change the subject. “Mother Superion sent you to babysit me, didn’t she?” 

“I wouldn’t put it like that…” Beatrice answered.

“The answer is yes, then.” Ava sat down on the bed, gesturing for Beatrice to join her. “It’s a shame. A waste of a brilliant mind.”

“It’s more complicated than that.” Beatrice ignored the compliment entirely. She’d never been good at accepting praise, least of all from Ava. 

“Can you explain it to me?” Ava asked in a small voice.

“I think…” Beatrice closed her eyes, reliving the past two days in a blinding moment. “I think Mother Superion wants to keep me away from the action as well.” She admitted, hoping Ava would understand; yet desperately hoping that Ava wouldn’t see her differently. Two days without her and Beatrice had become a monster of her own. 

“Why?” 

“I disobeyed her orders.” Beatrice was intentionally vague. “Plus, I broke a few rules during a sparring session.” 

“That doesn’t sound like you.” Ava noted.

“You’re correct. I wasn’t myself.” 

“Why?” Ava echoed, her sentences still much shorter than they once were.

“I…” Beatrice stopped. She didn’t know how to continue. It was rare that she found herself at such a loss for words. 

“What is it?” Ava watched her, curiously. She hadn’t smiled, but her face had certainly softened in the last few minutes.

“I was terrified you weren’t going to come back.” Beatrice said, finally. 

“Oh.” Ava mumbled, looking down at the blanket instead of meeting Beatrice’s gaze. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that.” 

“I disagree.” Ava murmured after a few seconds' pause. “Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re unpredictable, sometimes.”

“I thought of you, too.” Ava told her, disregarding Beatrice’s words. 

“With him?” Beatrice asked, scared she might be pushing Ava too far, too soon.

“With Adriel, yes.” Even as she said the name herself, Ava shivered slightly upon hearing it. “I thought about what you would do, if we had switched places. I thought, what would Beatrice do if she were getting tortured by this… Devil.”

“Ava…” Beatrice began, terrified of the words that might come next. Yet curious, all the same. 

“It was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. His thrall extends beyond the physical, although that in itself was horrible. My connection with Adriel, my ability to see within his mind is what set me free…” She stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath. “But his thoughts, his psychological torment… It was too much.” 

Hearing Ava’s testimony only reaffirmed Beatrice’s early convictions. She _would_ kill Adriel, no matter what. If he didn’t find them first, she’d hunt him to the ends of the Earth.

“But through everything…” Ava continued, snapping Beatrice from her angry revenge fantasy. “I knew you would have survived. I wanted to be strong like you. I didn’t tell him anything. I promise.” 

“I’m so proud of you.” Beatrice mumbled, her eyes watering in admiration for the halo bearer. “Even if you had, no one would have blamed you.” 

“You are?” Ava felt a tear stream down her face, matching those on Beatrice’s cheeks.

“Of course!” Beatrice was almost exasperated by the question. “You’re a brand new halo bearer with barely any training. Yet, you managed to escape from the biggest threat any bearer since Areala has _ever_ faced.” 

“Well, when you put it like that…” Ava whispered, as a true smile crossed her face. At the sight of that alone, Beatrice swore the room had become ten degrees hotter.

“It’s nice to see you smile again.” Beatrice admitted, unable to contain herself. Ava was still, for a moment, before throwing her arms around Beatrice. It was sudden and lacked any grace, but the warmth between them was immeasurable. 

A knock at the door broke up the extended embrace. Before Ava could react, Beatrice jumped to attention, answering the door. 

“Mary.” She nodded, welcoming her sister into the room. 

“Camila needs your help translating a bunch of old documents.” Mary announced, surprisingly stoic. 

“Oh, okay.” Beatrice was happy to contribute, since it would bring her closer to revenge. Still, she was hesitant to leave Ava alone for any length of time. 

“I’ll stay here. While you’re gone.” Mary assured her, as if able to read Beatrice’s thoughts. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice whispered as she slid out the door and hurried down the hall. 

“You look happier than you did yesterday.” Mary observed as she took a seat at Ava’s desk.

“Low bar.” Ava mumbled, a rare joke as of late. 

“Very true.” Mary was surprisingly cold. Not due to any fault of Ava’s, rather, she was trying to be more careful about what she said. Especially after snapping at Beatrice during breakfast.

“How are you, Mary?” Ava asked, not missing Mary’s change in demeanour. 

“I’ve been better. Pretty sure that’s the case for all of us, though.” Mary grumbled. 

“I’m sorry.” Ava breathed, barely audible.

“Why?” 

“If I had done better… Maybe we’d all be in a better place right now.” 

“Ava. Be real. You’ve done better than anyone could’ve expected. Even me, and need I remind you, I had faith in you as the halo bearer _first!_ ” Mary slapped the desk a few times to underscore her point. 

“Alright, alright.” Ava held up her hands in surrender. Mary smiled at the gesture. Still, there was something nagging at the halo bearer, something she couldn’t resist asking about. “When I was… Gone… What happened to Beatrice?” Mary froze at Ava’s question, alerting her that it must have been serious. 

“I’m not sure if I should be the one to answer that.” Mary worked hard to avoid Ava’s eyes.

“Beatrice won’t tell me. You know that.” Ava pressed her for details, knowing that Mary wouldn’t withhold them forever. 

“Fine, fine.” Mary acquiesced nearly at once. She knew her words would hurt Ava, but had it been her and Shannon… Mary knew she wouldn’t have wanted to be kept in the dark. So, she took a deep breath and tried to phrase her sentences as carefully as possible. “I’ve known Beatrice for a long time now. We’ve been through some crazy shit together. But I’ve _never_ seen her behave as she did these past two days.” 

“I’ve gathered that, but…” 

“You want more. You want details. I know.” Mary sighed, before reluctantly continuing. “She barely spoke to anyone, nor did she eat. She yelled at Mother Superion twice.”

“Really?” Ava interrupted, already unable to believe Mary’s words. 

“Yes. That’s not even the worst of it. At training, which she wasn’t supposed to be at, she was unnecessarily violent towards Sister Abigail. Once Beatrice defeated her in their sparring match, she tried to hit her while she was down.” 

“Beatrice wouldn’t do that!” Ava nearly yelled. 

“I didn’t see it, but Camila was there. She had to drag Beatrice off of her. When she explained it to me later…” Mary stopped for a moment, exhaling sharply. “Beatrice told her that during the fight, she thought she was back in the Vatican, that she was fighting Adriel on your behalf.” 

“Oh…” 

“A violent side of her came out that day in the Vatican. Beatrice has always been a talented fighter, but she’s never been _violent._ After… He took you, she beat Vincent to an absolute pulp. All we could hear was her screaming. It was horrible.” Mary shivered in her remembrance of that day. Meanwhile, Ava tried to imagine it, but it was difficult. The Beatrice she knew was kind. Gentle and caring. 

“It’s hard to picture that.” 

“I know.” Mary nodded. “Knowing her, I’m sure she’s beyond ashamed about her actions. She just… Wasn’t in control.” 

“I understand.” Ava’s voice was hoarse. “Thank you for telling me, Mary.”

“You’re welcome.” Mary wondered if she had done the right thing. 

In the library, Beatrice quietly pored over the texts Camila had laid out. Normally, Beatrice never had trouble focusing, but she had to read over each line a dozen times. Today, her mind was elsewhere. After a few minutes of spinning her wheels, she eventually found her groove and began translating. On a notepad, she wrote out the translation, quickly exchanging Latin words for English ones. 

“I’m not entirely sure if this archive entry will be helpful, but here’s your translation.” Beatrice whispered as she handed Camila the paper, thick with Beatrice’s ornate handwriting. 

“Why do you say that?” Camila inquired as she scanned the sheet.  
“It references a weapon, confirming what Ava said, if nothing else. But there are no specifics, nothing that points us in the right direction.” 

“But there _is_ a weapon. We know for sure now. That’s something, at least.” Camila tried to maintain her faith, a task that seemed to grow harder by the minute. 

“I suppose.” Beatrice stood, intent on returning to Ava. “Please send for me if you need any other translations, or if you find something critical.” 

“I will, Sister. Thank you.” Camila nodded and returned to her work. With quick strides, Beatrice left the library and headed for the stairs. She traveled silently through the halls, before arriving at Ava’s door once more. A polite knock later, she was back inside the halo bearer’s chamber. 

“Hello again.” Beatrice greeted Mary and Ava with a nod. There was something off about each of them, as if the energy had changed. Before Beatrice could question it, Mary excused herself to leave. 

“Well, you know what they say. Idle hands are the devil’s plaything.” She quipped, before heading out into the corridor. 

“Hi.” Ava smiled at Beatrice.

“I’m sorry I was gone so long.” Beatrice whispered, crossing the room and sitting at Ava’s desk.

“Beatrice, it was maybe an hour. It’s alright.” Ava’s tone wasn’t patronising, not exactly, but there was a new edge that Beatrice hadn’t heard before. 

“You’re acting strange. What happened?” Beatrice asked, desperately curious. 

“Mary filled in some blanks for me, that’s all.” 

“Ava, please…” Beatrice could barely hear her own voice over the sudden pounding in her head. 

“If the roles were reversed, I would have acted the same way.” Ava mumbled, sliding to the edge of the bed, to be closer to Beatrice. 

“I…” Beatrice trailed off, feeling an increasingly familiar loss for words. “This isn’t about me. It doesn’t matter.” 

“What? Of course it does!” Ava stood, the frustration evident across her face. 

“No, it doesn’t!” Beatrice didn’t mean to shout, but she did nonetheless. “All that matters is that I… We got you back. End of story.” 

“Why can’t you see how important you are?” Ava’s voice dropped to a whisper. 

“Because I’m replaceable. And even if I wasn’t… I didn’t want you to know that side of me. I didn’t want you to see the demon I’ve become. There’s been too many demons lately.” 

“I don’t think you’re a demon, Beatrice. I would _never_ think that.” Ava was resolute in her sentiment, and she took another step closer to Beatrice, who stood to meet her. 

“Really?” Beatrice breathed, painfully aware that there was only a single step remaining between her and Ava. 

“I wasn’t entirely honest with you, earlier.” Ava mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “When I told you that I thought of you during my time with… Him. I wasn’t lying. But, there were other moments I thought about as well, when I was sure he wasn’t reaching into my mind.”

“Which were?” 

“Do you remember our time at ArqTech?” 

“I could never forget it.” Beatrice replied faintly. 

“Promise?” Ava’s voice was small. 

“Ava, what do you take me as?” Beatrice’s question was beyond loaded. 

“I guess it’s… _Nun_ of my business.” Ava suddenly laughed, completely shattering the tension that seemed to have been building between. Beatrice couldn’t decide if she was grateful for that, or frustrated. Most likely, both.


	6. Sloth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camila tells Beatrice the obvious truth. Ava spars with Lilith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of people put relevant information in their A/N. 
> 
> glizzy

In the courtyard the next morning, Ava sat adjacent to Lilith. They were both stretching, warming up to spar. Lilith was careful to mind her words, unsure of Ava’s mental state. In truth, she was barely sure of her own. 

“Not to be blunt…” Ava began, in a way that suggested she was going to do just that. “But how did you get to the Vatican?” 

“I… Teleported there.” Lilith answered, almost comically aware of how ridiculous that sounded. 

“You  _ what?! _ ” Ava’s eyes were wide in amazement. 

“I was in  _ Hell,  _ Ava. I can also do this now.” She raised a hand, letting the claws extend from her fingertips. 

“Woah…” Ava breathed, watching in awe. Oddly enough, Lilith was comforted by this. All of her Catholic teachings would suggest that she was now someone that deserved to be shunned. Yet, here was the halo bearer, a holy relic in herself, in genuine awe of her new abilities. Granted, that bearer was Ava, but still.

“I can heal as well. Just like you.” 

“You’re like the dark halo bearer.” Ava was surprisingly happy this morning, very characteristic in her overexcitement. “If this were a comic book, you and I would be enemies. Only to have a showdown later, where we realise we have to team up to defeat a greater evil.”

“I mean… Isn’t that what has happened?” Lilith sighed. “I tried to kill you, remember? Now, we’re both here, preparing to fight Adriel.” 

At the mention of his name, the smile fell from Ava’s face as she visibly flinched. She rose from the ground, suddenly. 

“Let’s start training, then.” Ava whispered, her voice full of gravel. Lilith stood to join her. 

“Let’s.” Lilith agreed, trying to focus through the overwhelming guilt that soaked through her gut. 

They exchanged a quick bow, before raising their hands. Ava balled hers into fists, whereas Lilith kept her hands (and claws) extended. Unsurprisingly, Lilith struck first. Ava phased through her strikes, taking a step backwards with each one. 

“You’re fighting too defensively.” Lilith growled, forcing Ava off the mat entirely.

“I know.” Ava admitted, righting herself as Lilith paused.

“Here.” Gently, Lilith took one of Ava’s hands in her own, lifting it into a more offensive position. “If you start with your hands slightly higher and rotate your elbow out slightly, you should be able to strike faster. That will help keep you safer, but also help block incoming attacks.” 

“Thank you.” Ava whispered, surprised at Lilith’s understanding explanation and gentleness. 

“Alright, let’s try again.” 

Once more, they bowed before the sparring began. In a moment, Ava threw several frantic punches in Lilith’s direction. She aptly ducked around them, before kicking Ava directly to the ground.

“Too offensive, now.” Lilith offered Ava a hand, lifting her back to standing. “By throwing too many attacks at once, it makes it harder to defend yourself. But, I like the energy.” 

“Okay.” Ava nodded, her face stony. 

“Do you want to take a break?” 

“No. Let’s go again.” Ava was determined, thinking mostly of Adriel. Obviously, the halo wasn’t enough to protect her nor her sisters. Ava wasn’t stupid, she knew that developing her skills could make the difference between victory and defeat. Of course, that’s a lot of pressure. 

“Remember what we’ve talked about.” Lilith mumbled as she bowed. Ava gave no indication of hearing her.

Ava did as instructed and waited for an opportunity to attack. Lilith made two advances, both of which Ava phased through. On the second, Ava shifted her weight slightly, using her height disadvantage to uppercut Lilith’s jaw.

“Ow!” Lilith exclaimed, taking a step back and rubbing her face. 

“Like that?” Ava asked, almost innocently, save for the smile on her lips. 

“Yes, exactly.” Lilith grumbled. Despite Ava’s clear lack of training, she was a quick study.

Beatrice sat across from Camila in the library, both of them bent over ancient texts. While Camila was genuinely researching, Beatrice couldn’t seem to focus. She  _ knew  _ that this work was critical and could literally cost their lives. Yet, her eyes ran over each sentence a hundred times, understanding none of it. Meanwhile, her fingers tapped rapid, disjointed patterns on the wooden tabletop. 

“Bea.” Camila whispered, laying her hand atop Beatrice’s. “Enough.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise I was doing that.” Beatrice mumbled, her thoughts miles from her work. Camila sighed, looking up from the arcane book in front of her. 

“She’ll be okay with Lilith for a few hours.”

“Will she?” Beatrice’s fear was betrayed by her tone. 

“Is it Lilith you’re worried about? Or something else?” Camila asked.

“Not Lilith. I’m just worried about Ava.” Beatrice replied. “I know she seemed back to normal this morning… Whatever that means. But…” She trailed off, although her meaning was obvious. 

“You think it’s an act?” 

“Not an act, exactly.” Beatrice exhaled sharply before continuing. “I don’t know exactly what happened with Adriel. Yet, I don’t think it’s realistic that Ava would be completely fine this soon.” 

“You want to protect her.” Camila’s statement was beyond obvious. 

“Of course! We all do, she’s the halo bearer.” 

“Bea…” Camila tried to phrase her words carefully. “I’m not denying that, we all have a duty to the bearer. But you and Ava are close.”

“We’re friends.” 

“Friends.” Camila echoed, raising an eyebrow. “ _ Sister Beatrice.  _ I don’t know how to put this more bluntly. You love her.” Beatrice froze at Camila’s words. Her spine seemed to freeze while the rest of her body was bathed in fire. 

“I… What?” Beatrice stuttered. She had both a thousand thoughts and none, simultaneously. 

“Maybe you haven’t consciously acknowledged it yet, but it’s obvious to everyone else with eyes.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, Bea.” Camila offered her a small smile. “Mary noticed first, of course. But once she pointed it out to us, it was clear as day.” 

“She did what?” Beatrice blushed viciously against Camila’s words. 

“She only told Lilith and I.” Camila reassured Beatrice, to little effect. “I just thought… Well…” It was Camila’s turn to stutter. “As much as I try to have faith, there is a very real possibility that we might not survive this.” 

“We will.” Beatrice’s eyes shone in the dim room. “I’ll do whatever needs to be done to ensure that.” 

“Beatrice…” Camila cautioned, terrified at the implications of her words. Meanwhile, Beatrice had left her chair and crossed over to the window. From the second story of the building, she could see Ava and Lilith in the courtyard below. 

Ava was holding her own against Lilith now, however, the halo was helping too. They sparred for minutes at a time, and Ava was even able to block some of Lilith’s sloppier strikes. As sweat dripped from her face, Ava found an opening, aiming her kick at Lilith’s knees, trying to knock her off balance. She succeeded, although Lilith responded by teleporting behind Ava and knocking her to the ground. 

“You can control it?” Ava wondered as she stood up.

“I don’t know. I guess?” Lilith wasn’t sure if she should feel ashamed or proud of herself. After a second, she decided, facing the mat in shame. 

“Lilith?” Ava’s voice had softened, losing the rough edge of determination she’d had earlier. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m sorry.” Ava whispered. Whatever Lilith had expected Ava to say, it wasn’t that. She looked up, facing the halo bearer. 

“Why?” 

“What happened to you is my fault. You died trying to protect me. If I had just come to the OCS from the start…” Ava didn’t finish her sentence.

Lilith stared at her for several moments before speaking. “Ava. I tried to kill you, remember?” 

“I know…” Ava averted her gaze. “But it was justified.”

“Justified?!” Lilith threw up her hands in frustration. “Duretti manipulated me! He played on my weakness for his own gain.”

“Yeah, but then you would’ve gotten the halo. And everyone here knows that you would have been a better halo bearer than I ever will be!” Ava shouted, causing several of the younger nuns to look in their direction. 

“Perhaps it’s your lack of religious education, but I’m pretty sure that if I  _ killed  _ for the halo, it would have rejected me.” Lilith spat back, frustrated with Ava but not angry.

“Well, you could have killed me and given it to Mary. Or Camila. Or…  _ Beatrice. _ ” Ava’s voice dropped to a whisper at the mention of Beatrice.

“Enough, Ava.” Lilith held up a single hand, noticeably absent of claws. “I can’t imagine what happened with… Him” She neglected to say Adriel’s name this time. “But I’ve definitely come to know suffering. You should try everything in your power to not let it shape you for the worst.” 

“You’ve come to know suffering because of my misstep!” 

“No.” Lilith took a step closer to Ava, desperately wanting to calm the younger girl. “I’m a sworn member of the OCS, just like the rest of us. It is my holy duty to fight, and die, in service of the halo bearer.” 

“What if the halo bearer is bad?” Ava wondered in a hoarse voice, while still avoiding Lilith’s gaze. 

“You’re not a bad halo bearer. Sure, you’re undisciplined and poorly trained… But you demonstrate greater power than we’ve seen in a long time.” Lilith argued. 

“That’s… A lot of pressure.” 

“The halo’s power is as much a burden as it is a gift. But remember, you don’t have to do this alone. You’ve got an entire team behind you. A team that you need to learn to trust.” 

“You’ve become wise in your old age.” Ava couldn’t help but smile. 

“I’m only a few years older than you.” Lilith crossed her arms, frustrated at Ava’s sudden flippancy, but the joke was encouraging. 

“The grey hair could’ve fooled me.” Ava chucked, quickly having to dodge under Lilith’s sudden attack. 

“It can’t be going too poorly down there, Ava’s smiling.” Camila observed as she joined Beatrice at the window. 

“Perhaps…” Beatrice murmured. The sight did little to ease her worry, but seeing Ava’s grin made her pulse accelerate. 

“You need to relax, Bea.” Camila placed a gentle hand on her back. “You’re not benefitting anyone with this constant fretting. Your mind is needed on more important tasks.” 

“You’re right.” Beatrice admitted.   
“Let’s get back to work.” Camila walked back to the table, followed by Beatrice a moment later. “You can tell Ava how much you love her after dinner tonight.” She couldn’t help but tease when they retook their seats.

“Don’t.” Beatrice warned. Camila wasn’t wrong, of course, but the casual admission of it petrified her. Did Ava know? More importantly, did she feel the same? 

While familiar self-doubt filled Beatrice’s thoughts, she was able to focus enough to complete her research for the day. She and Camila worked through dozens of texts, translating them and researching different passages. It was a tireless day of work, during which they made no headway on their progress. 

“That was frustrating.” Camila grumbled as she followed Beatrice down the stairs towards the dining hall. 

“Agreed.” Normally, Beatrice might have tried to be more optimistic, but she was distracted to say the least. 

“And I’m not sure if I’m comforted or scared by the lack of news about Adriel. I know Mother Superion will keep us up to date, but it’s ominous waiting.”

“I’d try not to say his name around Ava.” Beatrice felt overprotective for the hundredth time that day. 

“I won’t.” Camila nodded, understanding immediately. “Ava must’ve messed him up though, if he’s been quiet for this long.” 

“She’s a powerful halo bearer.” 

“She’s more than powerful.” Camila, perhaps more than most, idolised Ava. “She has abilities that have never been seen before.” 

“I know.” Beatrice conceded, while considering the implications of said power.

Before they could continue their conversation, they entered through the massive doors of the dining room. They were the last to arrive, greeted by an enthusiastic wave from Ava. Beatrice felt herself grow lighter as she smiled back. 

“Did you find anything useful?” Lilith asked as Beatrice and Camila sat down with their food a few minutes later.

“If by useful, you mean nothing, then yes.” Camila mumbled, ripping apart her bread.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Ava looked at Camila with genuine sympathy in her eyes, while placing a hand on Beatrice’s back. Granted, Camila had done the same a few hours ago, but when Ava did it… Beatrice wondered if she would explode at the table. “Tomorrow’s a new day. I’m sure you geniuses will turn up something soon.” 

“Actually, that might not be necessary…” Mary muttered, watching as Mother Superion crossed through the busy hall, making a beeline for their table. Ava felt suddenly cold, her façade began to crack. 

“Sisters.” She greeted them, stony faced. “We may have just found a lead on Adriel.” Only Beatrice noticed Ava’s shiver, the newfound tension in her limbs. 


	7. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sisters prepare for a journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so fucking sick today, but i'll still update for yall <3

Ava couldn’t tell where the pain ended and she began. The halo seared within her, desperately trying to heal the damage that Adriel was doing - but ultimately unable to keep up. Adriel towered above her, he swayed under the weight of his own exhausting injuries. A creepy smile curled across his lips as blood dripped from the side of his mouth. He teetered forward, unsteady, stabbing her again and again. Ava could feel herself dying as her screams filled the air. 

Sunlight streamed through the room, the rays thick with the dust that hung in the air. Ava’s shrieks echoed amongst the high ceilings, yet they were fruitless. The factory was long abandoned, there were no buildings nearby. None of her sisters knew where she was, no one would be coming to save her. Ava was as she feared. Alone. 

As Adriel stepped forward to hurt her again, she gathered enough strength to kick him back. Ava pushed herself up into a standing position, as her blood poured onto the floor. Her head spun as she stood, but Ava was determined. Adriel looked equally shaky, but he took a step towards her nonetheless. Before Ava could take a step further, Adriel’s familiar grasp wrapped around her mind. 

Her body tensed as Adriel’s thoughts became her own. They were thick with violence, depraved and manic. Seeing what he had done in the past made Ava feel sick, sicker than any wound ever could. Adriel had killed thousands of people, yet compared to what he had planned, they were nothing. Ava sank to her knees, almost praying for death. She didn’t know how much more of this sick death match she could stand. 

“Ava? Ava!” Beatrice squeezed Ava’s hand, forcing her back to reality. Everyone was staring at her in Mother Superion’s office, seemingly waiting for a response. 

“Sorry.” Ava rasped quietly. Her ears rang slightly and the room seemed to spin.

“As I was saying…” Mother Superion continued after throwing a concerned glance in Ava’s direction. “Adriel was sighted in Rome. Around St. Peter’s, specifically.” 

“You don’t think…” Beatrice began, trailing off and exchanging a look with Camila. 

“If the legends are true…” Camila also didn’t finish her sentence, leaving everyone else more than confused. 

“Would either of you care to explain?” Mary asked, her voice terse. 

“He might be trying to steal the Holy Lance.” Beatrice clarified. 

“The big spear that killed Jesus?” Mary wondered, her study of scripture lacking compared to her sisters. 

“He was already dead.” Lilith told her in a gravelly tone. “But there are a ton of stories that imply the lance was imbued with power.”

“Is that true?” Ava inquired. She felt cold. 

“It certainly wouldn’t be the first time we’ve dealt in legends.” Lilith answered with sympathy for Ava. 

“Why would he want it?” Mary spoke quickly, her frustration more than obvious. 

“He likely thinks it will be the optimal weapon to kill the halo bearer.” Mother Superion responded. Her words hung heavily in the air, a thick anxiety seemed to blanket them all.

“In a way, it’s encouraging.” Beatrice whispered.

“How?” Ava was understandably incredulous. 

“He was confident in the Vatican. I’m not saying that battle went well - it absolutely didn’t. But he didn’t succeed, either. Whatever happened when… Well, you  _ scared  _ him, Ava. Otherwise, he wouldn’t feel as if he needed a weapon.” Beatrice explained, watching Ava’s face the entire time. 

“Oh.” Ava muttered, staring at the stone floor. She thought of the pain Adriel had inflicted on her before, without a weapon. 

“Are you sending us out?” Camila asked, while Beatrice kept a steady hand on Ava, as though that would be enough to tether her thoughts to their current reality. It was not. 

“Ideally I’d have another team go…” Mother Superion began. She sighed heavily and considered her options. There weren’t many, yet, she was hesitant about sending them out again. “We don’t have much of a choice.”

“Can we even get there in time? With the amount of weaponry we’d be packing, flying is obviously out of the question.” Mary assessed. 

“If we can prevent Adriel from stealing the lance, or whatever else he might be planning, we have to try.” Camila argued. 

“Ava? What do you think?” Beatrice addressed her directly. She was undoubtedly proud of Ava’s last battle with Adriel, but she was terrified about what a rematch could do to the halo bearer.

“I don’t… I don’t think we have a choice.” Ava inhaled shakily. “People will d-die if we don’t try to stop him. They might die even if we do.” 

“I suppose that settles it then.” Mother Superion announced decisively. “I’ll have one of the cars prepared. Can all of you be ready in an hour?” There was a collective round of nods. “Alright, good.” 

Beatrice was ready in ten minutes. Granted, she usually kept her things in order just in case a time-sensitive mission came up. Most of the older sisters in the OCS did the same. She did rush a bit though, she admitted to herself, as she quickly walked towards Ava’s room. It was clear during the meeting that Ava was far from okay, yet Ava had been correct in her assessment. They didn’t have a choice. 

Her hand hovered over the wood for a moment, as Beatrice gathered her nerves. Once she had composed herself, she rapped twice. Just like everything else about her, the movement was controlled. 

“Come in.” Ava called from within, her voice loud but hoarse. 

“Ava.” Beatrice greeted her as she crossed into the room and closed the door behind her. 

“Am I late? I’ve only just started packing! I don’t know what to bring!” Ava seemed panicked, the room had become messy in her frantic preparations.

“No, no. I’m just early.” Beatrice hated how restrained she sounded. “I just came to…” She paused, unsure of how to phrase her intentions. “I just came to check on you.” 

“What?” Ava stopped, frozen in motion. Her eyes were wide, her expression unreadable. 

“I know this is… More than a lot. I wanted to make sure that you were alright.” Internally, Beatrice was cursing herself. She sounded so stupid! Even more ridiculous, she was worrying about sounding stupid at a time like this. Foolish!

“I’m alright.” Ava answered after turning away from Beatrice’s gaze.

“Ava…” 

“Okay, I’m not alright!” Ava threw the shirt in her hand against the wall in a fit of uncharacteristic anger.    
“I know!” Beatrice took a cautious step forward, pleased to see that Ava didn’t back away from her. 

“I know I’m the warrior nun. I know I should be a leader. I know I should be brave…” Ava’s voice cracked and she sunk onto the floor. “But I’m terrified.”

Beatrice knelt, extending a gentle hand and resting it against Ava’s back. “You have every right to be.” 

“It was  _ horrible _ , with Adriel. I don’t… I don’t want to go with him again. I’d sooner die.” Ava whispered, as tears slid to the floor. 

“I won’t let that happen. I promise.” 

  
“Really?”

“Really.” Beatrice sighed. “I-...  _ We _ just got you back. You’re not going anywhere.” At that, a small smile appeared on Ava’s face.

“Did you mean what you said in Mother Superion’s office?” Ava asked, her curiosity more than evident. 

“I did. You’re a powerful halo bearer. Perhaps one of the most powerful we’ve  _ ever  _ seen. I’m not even sure we’ve seen your full potential yet.” 

“You have a lot of faith in me.” 

“We all do, Ava.” Beatrice neglected to mention that her feelings might extend past those of OCS service, further than those of friendship. Beyond that, the proximity between them made it significantly more difficult for her to form a cohesive thought. 

“Okay, okay.” Ava took a deep breath before standing. “What should I pack?” 

“One set of combat clothing and an outfit or two of civilian clothes.” 

“And the Divinium sword, right?” 

“Yes, but that’s a given.” Beatrice helped Ava tidy the room and re-fold the clothes she intended to pack. 

“Thank you, Beatrice.” Ava mumbled as they both headed for the door. Even the sound of Ava saying her name made Beatrice’s skin burn.

“You’re welcome, Ava.” Beatrice replied quietly, desperately wondering if Ava felt the unresolved tension between them. 

Mary was packing the trunk of the car with weapons and supplies, with the help of Camila and Lilith. It was an odd sight, the pile of weapons and medical supplies - all meticulously arranged by nuns. 

“I have a bad feeling about this that I just can’t shake.” Mary muttered as she closed the trunk. 

“You’re not alone in that.” Lilith replied, as she checked over the list once more. 

“Ava was right though, wasn’t she? We don’t have a choice.” Camila’s eyes were wide with innocent worry. 

“It just feels too soon. Too risky.” Mary ran a hand over her hair. A nervous habit. “I’m not sure we could take another loss. And this could always be a trap.” Her thoughts were on Shannon, of course. They’d already had a taste of losing Ava too; it was a possibility that Mary couldn’t stomach. 

“We’ll have to be at our absolute best.” Camila replied, quiet but determined. 

“You’ll have to be better than that.” Mother Superion appeared in the doorway of the garage, a commanding presence. 

“We will.” Lilith said, with an enviable strength in her words. 

“I know.” Mother Superion crossed the room before continuing to speak. “I’m more than hesitant to send you all out again so soon. We just… Don’t have a choice. Please, please, make sure that Ava makes it back this time. I don’t mean to put this type of pressure on you, especially since Adriel is an unknown entity, but…” She paused again, a rarity in itself. “This needs to be a tight operation.”

  
“We know.” Mary nodded. Ava and Beatrice entered the room, cutting Mother Superion’s private instructions short. 

“Is everything packed according to spec?” Beatrice wondered, her thoughts returning to work. She needed to be smart, disciplined. Her indiscretion with Ava could cost lives. She needed to remember that. 

“Double check this.” Lilith passed her the list, which Beatrice scanned quickly. 

“If I get any more information, I’ll make sure to call, okay?” Mother Superion looked over them, hating to send them away. “This is a rapidly evolving situation and we don’t necessarily know what Adriel’s ultimate plans are.” 

“We’ll do the same.” Camila told her.

“I know, I know.” Mother Superion headed back towards the door. “Good luck.” She whispered, inaudible as the team talked amongst themselves. 

Her walk back to the office was a long one. She wasn’t as young as she used to be, the walls of Cat’s Cradle seemed colder than they’d ever been before. Across dozens of OCS chapters, Mother Superion was well-known for her strictness and aptitude for training some of the best sister warriors in history. What wasn’t known, however, was how much she cared for her girls. They were the children she’d never had and she didn’t take sending them to battle lightly. 

As the Range Rover wound its way away from the Cradle, Ava looked out the window. Her thoughts were thousands of miles away, a complex web of contradictions. Beyond her fear and worry, there was a silver lining. A  _ distraction. _ A distraction named Beatrice, who sat next to her. Ava wasn’t blind to the increasingly closeness between them, nor was she ignorant to Beatrice’s attentiveness. Whenever she was close, the halo buzzed and grew warm. Ava couldn’t help but wonder if it was a coincidence, or something more. 

For each of them, the foreboding in the air was unavoidable. Adriel was not only powerful, but unpredictable. His clear evil challenged the beliefs and teachings of the OCS entirely, a frustrating exercise in uncertainty. Camila whispered prayers under her breath, verbalising the hopes for their mission that no one else could speak. Beatrice was deaf to this, of course, her thoughts and gaze firmly fixed on the halo bearer.


	8. Diligence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An encounter with Adriel leads to fear and hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> existence is exhausting

Ava’s head cracked against the ornate flooring within St. Peter’s. Her vision swam as she regained her footing. Across the building, her sisters were scattered, fighting off hordes of the possessed. As Adriel strode towards her, Ava chuckled under her breath. What a beautiful setting for violence.

He moved to strike her, inhumanly fast, which Ava phased through. She worked hard to stay light on her feet, desperate to remember every scrap of information about fighting that she’d learned. Whatever that was, it wasn’t enough. Adriel’s well-placed kick knocked her into a pillar, leaving no escape.

She shivered as he grew close, their faces equally bloodied. Familiar images of violence stung her mind, as Adriel’s haunting smile grew. From nowhere, a knife pierced his skull, buying Ava a few seconds. 

“Thanks, Beatrice!” Ava managed to yell as she prepared to fight once more. Beatrice didn’t reply, she was too busy fighting. Almost understandable, since her fixation with Ava could have just cost her life. Yet, she made a promise. A promise that she intended to keep. 

Just as Ava expected, Adriel pulled the knife from his head with a sickening noise. He twirled it expertly in his fingers, before slashing at Ava with it. On the floor, several feet away, Ava spied the Divinium sword. It’s almost artificial blue glow stood out amongst, even in the chaos of battle. While it was a predictable move, Ava had no choice. She dove for it, fully expecting Adriel to follow and attack. 

Instead, he only watched her, before taking off towards the stairwell. His movements were frantic, almost panicked, a direction contradiction to the confidence he seemed to exude around Ava. While it was the absolute last thing she wanted to do, Ava stood, breaking out in a run to follow him. 

After what  _ seemed  _ like thousands of stairs, Ava found Adriel. There was a chamber, inside the dome, where the Catholic church stored some of their treasures. Of course, Ava wouldn’t have known this, had Camila not briefed her in the car during the drive. Unfortunately, Adriel had found what he was looking for. He turned towards Ava, the newly acquired Holy Lance gripped tightly in his hand. 

It looked almost ordinary, with a long wooden handle and metallic spearhead. The blade was inlaid with gold and divinium, ancient designs that glowed in Ava’s presence. Had it not been a weapon with the potential to kill her, it would have been shockingly beautiful. She couldn’t dwell on it more, however, as Adriel flew towards her, emboldened by the lance. 

Ava phased through his initial strike, then rolled to the left, taking cover behind several dusty display cabinets.

“No point in hiding, Ava. You’re only prolonging the inevitable.” Adriel’s voice was oddly stilted; inhuman. 

“That’s alright. I haven’t had ice cream in over a decade. I can’t die today, obviously.” Ava replied, before phasing through the cabinet and tackling Adriel to the ground, careful to avoid the tip of the lance. 

While she had him pinned down, Ava stabbed him with the Divinium sword. His wounds bled, yet he didn’t die. In an attempt to free himself, Adriel pushed his consciousness into Ava’s. As the awful violence filled her mind, she couldn’t help but scream. Her hand flew to her head and Adriel managed to squirm away. His blood left a sick trail as he did so. Worse, the brief reprieve gave him time to heal his wounds.

Ava dodged attack after attack, trashing the room around them. Idly, Ava couldn’t help but wonder who would get in trouble for this. These were priceless treasures, after all. The moment the thought crossed her mind, the halo burned within, as if telling her to focus. Ava did just that and managed to knock Adriel several feet away. It took all her bravery to continue fighting and not run away, but she crossed the room nonetheless. 

The halo continued to burn, long after her wounds were healed. As Ava drew closer to Adriel, it’s message drew clearer. Careful to avoid the stab of the lance, Ava maneuvered around him, phasing as needed. Adriel made a final stab, providing Ava with her opening. She extended her hand, grabbing his head with every ounce of strength she had left. Just as he had done to her, Ava tried to force her thoughts into his head. 

Granted, they weren’t as violent as his, but the halo was powerful enough to damage his evil mind. He let out an awful, shuddering scream as the halo lit the room. As his body weakened along with his mind, he hastily pushed the spear forward. It dipped in his poor form, catching Ava solidly through the calf. Her screams met his in the air.

They seemed locked together, nearly immobile, the battle now being waged psychologically. Where the spear touched her burned unlike any traditional injury, as though it were coated in fire. Yet, she pressed on, the halo flooding Adriel’s mind with holy light. She knew she was close, but to what exactly, that was uncertain. 

Adriel sunk to his knees, Ava appeared in control of him. Dust hung in the air, a reversal of their time together in France. The light in his eyes seemed to dim, the lance hung weakly in his hand, coated in Ava’s blood. She felt the halo weakening, trying to heal her and damage Adriel simultaneously was too much.  _ Too much. _

Upon sensing the moment of weakness, Adriel flared to life, his last stand. He tipped his head backwards, pulling Ava closer to him, allowing him to push her to the ground. 

“Nice try.” He shakily regained his feet, gripping the lance tightly, raising it overhead. Ava drew in a breath, weak from the exertion. With the last shreds of power she had left, she crossed her arms, sending a shockwave through the room.

Glass shattered and cabinets were knocked away from the epicentre. Adriel was among them, crumbled in the corner. Ava didn’t wait for him to rise, opting instead to phase back down to the ground floor. Several seconds later, she reached her sisters, unconscious by the time she smashed against the floor. 

“Ava? Ava!” Beatrice saw her first, rushing over. Whatever she had done to Adriel had banished the wraiths as well. “ _ Ava! _ ” She cradled the halo bearer’s head in her lap, checking her pulse and assessing for injury. 

“How is she?” Camila was the closest and joined Beatrice on the floor. Mary and Lilith were there a moment later. 

“Alive.” Beatrice answered, her voice breathless with gratitude. 

When Ava’s eyes fluttered open, she was in the back of the Range Rover, with Camila and Beatrice fussing over her.

“This feels… Familiar.” The words were heavy in her mouth, but she smiled nonetheless.

“I’d prefer you didn’t get into the habit of it.” Beatrice’s concern was clear as day. 

“Ha. Habit.” Ava laughed. It hurt. 

“What happened?” Camila wondered, as she cleaned the unhealed wound on her calf. “You’ve been stabbed clear through, yet the wound seems to have cauterised itself rather than healing.” 

“He found the lance.” Ava whispered, dreading the implications. “I’m sorry… C-Couldn’t stop him. I tried.” 

“But he didn’t stop you either, even if you did fall ten stories.” Beatrice pushed the sweaty hair from Ava’s face, a tender movement that made them both blush. 

“No, that was…” Ava stopped, pulling herself into a seated position. “My choice.” Both Camila and Beatrice stared at her like she was insane. “Well, I wasn’t going to  _ walk  _ back down all those stairs!” 

“Is that Ava I hear?” Mary called from the passenger seat.

“Yes. Did you miss me?” Ava answered, with a surprising smile. 

“Undoubtedly.” Lilith answered as she drove. Whether or not she was being sarcastic was unclear. 

“Ava, please sit still.” Camila instructed. “Your other wounds are healing as the halo regains its power, but this one doesn’t seem to be.”

“Sorry, doctor.” Ava bowed her head. Beatrice didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Ava was being awfully cavalier about this, more cheerful than she had been during the entire trip there. 

“What else happened?” Beatrice asked, her eyes firmly fixed on Ava. 

“Adriel may have found a weapon, but the halo did something… New.” Ava grinned, her words brimming with hope. “Something that gives us a chance.” 

“Which is?” Camila wondered as she looked up from Ava’s newly dressed wound. 

“That part is… A bit tougher to explain.” 

“We’ve got time.” Beatrice glanced at her watch. “Several hours of time.” 

“I know…” Ava’s face fell, a pain expression visible only to Beatrice. “There’s some details I need to fill you in on before we get to that part.” 

“Oh.” Beatrice breathed, as a growlingly familiar conflict of emotions clashed within her. 

Ava suddenly turned around, escaping from her conversation with Beatrice. “Hey Lilith! Can we stop and get snacks?” 

“Ava, we’re on a tight schedule.”

“Won’t we need to get gas soon anyhow? Please?”

“Ugh, fine.” Lilith rolled her eyes, eliciting an understanding chuckle from Mary. 

It was another hour until they stopped. With Beatrice’s help, Ava limped from the vehicle. 

“We need to change before we go in. A group of blood-soaked nuns will draw unwanted attention.” Camila announced to the group as she handed out everyone’s change of clothes. 

“Yes ma’am.” Mary joked. 

“Oh, normal clothes. How I’ve missed you.” Ava sighed dramatically. 

In the relative privacy of the car, each of them took turns changing. Ava leaned against Camila as she waited for Beatrice.

“How did it go downstairs?” Ava asked her in a whisper, while Mary and Lilith were inside the shop. 

“It was fine. There were casualties.” Camila’s answer was terse. 

“I’m sorry.” Ava felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

“Part of the job, although that doesn’t make me loathe it any less.” 

“I understand.” Ava replied. 

“This wasn’t your fault, Ava.” Camila told her. 

“It seems like it. Sometimes, at least.” Ava didn’t have the energy to lie. 

“I can see why you’d think that. I hope you know that none of us see it that way. You’re facing a mountain of challenges, as an untrained warrior nun.” 

“I’ve trained a little bit now!” Ava defended herself halfheartedly. 

“Yes, I know. But most warrior nuns are chosen young and train for years before receiving the halo.” Camila thought of Lilith as she spoke. 

“I know…” Ava’s gaze was downcast. Was she inadequate? 

“Yet, you seem to command more power from the halo than most.” Camila mused. She had a dozen personal theories about Ava and the halo. 

“What can I say?” She shrugged. “It’s because I’m cute.” Ava joked to lighten the heaviness of the topic. Before Camila could reply, the door popped open, and Beatrice stepped out. She had changed into navy pants with a linen blouse, yet she was still wearing her habit.

“Bea…” Camila whispered, gesturing to her head. Without speaking, Beatrice pulled the cloth away, revealing her shiny, dark hair. It was tousled from battle, so she shook it out and tied it up anew. The whole process took seconds, yet Ava watched, completely rapt. Camila tried to repress a laugh as she felt Ava tighten next to her. 

“Are you ready to get your snacks?” Beatrice asked, holding out an arm to Ava. It was as though she was completely unaware of the effect she had on the halo bearer. 

“Y-Yes.” Ava stuttered, taking Beatrice’s arm and limping towards the building. “You look nice.” 

“Thank you.” While Beatrice kept her calm, internally she screamed. “I’m sorry. I told you I’d keep you safe. I broke my promise.” 

Ava stopped suddenly. “Beatrice! Are you serious?” The severity of Ava’s words made Beatrice flinch.

“Yes?” Her voice was thick with fear. 

“I’m here. With you. I am safe.” Ava smiled, dissolving Beatrice’s anxiety at once. 

“Oh.” She sighed. “I thought you were going to be angry with me.” 

“No! Of course not. Injuries heal fast but… I couldn’t go with  _ him  _ again.”

“I know.” Beatrice answered as they began to walk again. 

In the shop, Ava’s eyes lit up with childlike excitement. It was lucky she was injured, otherwise she likely would have made a huge mess in her excitement. Instead, Beatrice led her around the small building, as she picked various treats. In the drink section, Ava reached for a can of something she didn’t recognise, but it looked  _ cool. _

“Ava, no.” Beatrice put it back.

“Why? I’m an adult.” 

“Barely.” Beatrice retorted. “You also have a reactive halo that you can barely control. An energy drink is the last thing you need. You’ll blow us all to hell.” 

“Fine, fine.” Ava pretended to pout. 

After some encouragement, they made it out of the shop and headed back to the car. There was an armful of snacks between them. 

“Jesus, Beatrice. Did you let her buy the whole store?” Mary joked as she helped Ava into the backseat. 

“Language!” Lilith snapped. 

“Jesus isn’t a swear word.” Mary retorted. 

“It is when you take it in vain or exclamation.” Camila explained, even though Mary already knew this. 

The bickering continued as they hit the road again. Beatrice kept out of it, opting instead to look out the window. A tear slid down her face, but she swiped it away before anyone saw. She needed to be strong, for Ava’s sake if nothing else. Today went better than it could have, significantly so. Yet, Beatrice knew that every brush with Adriel was a chance to lose Ava. For good, this time. She had to be better. Diligent. If Ava died, Beatrice knew she would, too.


	9. Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Ava spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an update. yip yip

For all of Ava’s flaws: flightiness, poorly timed jokes, and lack of discipline… It was hard not to admire her. Against even the most dire circumstances, Ava was able to light up a room, solely of her own personality - not the halo. Beatrice watched her speak as they sat in Mother Superion’s office once more, while wondering if her sisters thought the same of Ava. They must, surely. 

Though the halo had fully recharged during their long drive back to the Cradle, the wound from the Holy Lance had barely healed. Ava sat closest to Mother Superion’s desk, while explaining what  _ exactly  _ happened between her and Adriel. 

“Okay. To understand what happened today, we need to first discuss what happened several days ago.” Ava began, impressing Beatrice with her professionalism. “It all started when I was born.” Ruined it.

“Ava…” Lilith warned, trying to guide Ava back on track. She was only resorting to jokes in a weak effort to postpone the inevitable and difficult discussion.

“Alright, alright.” She held up her hands in defeat and continued. “Even with the lance, Adriel’s most powerful weapon is his mind. We’re connected somehow; he can reach into my mind… But I can also reach into his.”   
“We knew this already.” Mother Superion told Ava, her tone was surprisingly gentle. 

“I know. But today… Well, today the halo seemed to be capable of more than just counterattacking. I don’t know how to explain it.” She paused, trying to verbalise the near-sentience of the halo. “The halo was almost giving me instructions, guidance. I - the halo hurt him really bad, it’s power was searing through his mind and his entire being. Had he not stabbed me, I think we would no longer have to worry about him. So… I think this mission was a great success!” 

“That’s not your call to make.” Mother Superion told her, darkly. “But I agree.” She added quickly, with a rare smile. The tension in the room seemed to evaporate. 

“Ava, does this buy us some time?” Camila asked.

“I mean, I’m not going to claim to be an expert, but I think so.” Ava replied with a small smile. 

“I’ll keep my ear to the ground for any information or sightings. But for right now, I’d like all of you to go down to the infirmary and get checked out. Then, get some well-deserved rest. Do I make myself clear?” 

Later than night, Beatrice found herself in Ava’s room once more. Ava sat with her back against the headboard, while Beatrice kept a respectful distance and sat at the desk. 

“You don’t seem as happy as everyone else. We did good.” Ava observed her curiously, doubly so since Beatrice hadn’t returned to her habit. 

“I know…” She avoided Ava’s gaze, debating whether she should speak freely. Was this the right time?

“But…?”

“I thought I lost you. Again.” Beatrice felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “When you fell from the ceiling and crashed into the floor… My first thought was that you were dead. You  _ looked  _ dead. I thought my heart was going to rip itself from my chest, I couldn’t run to you fast enough.” She looked down, her cheeks burned upon the realisation of how much she had just revealed. 

“Beatrice. Look at me.” Ava worked hard to keep her voice steady and harder still to not read too much into Beatrice’s words. 

Beatrice did as the halo bearer instructed, surprised to see tears in Ava’s eyes as well. “I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Beatrice stood up in disbelief, her tears splashing against the cold stones. “Why are you apologising? This is my cross to bear, it’s no fault of yours.” 

“Isn’t it?” Ava was uncharacteristically still. “Had I fought better, you wouldn’t have been scared.”

“It’s just…” Beatrice couldn’t complete her sentence, too scared to add: _it’s more than that._ _I can’t lose you._

“Just what?” Ava was basically begging for Beatrice to admit their mutual feelings for one another. She did no such thing. At least, not verbally. 

With gracefully quick, but gentle movements, Beatrice found herself on the bed, her lips pressed against Ava’s. She had no recollection of crossing the room; a journey of a thousand steps and none. For a split second, Ava was surprised, but she quickly regained her composure. At least, some of it. Both of them had been dreaming of this exact moment, a fantasy of the impossible. For Ava, however, impossible was a weekly occurrence. 

They broke apart, breathless and flushed. It was Beatrice who spoke first.

“I’m sorry. I just…” She moved over, perching on the edge of the bed. Her back was to Ava, her body language lacking the fiery determination of moments prior.

“And you yell at me for apologising.” The smile on Ava’s face was audible. 

“You’re not angry?” Beatrice asked in a hoarse whisper. 

“Am I that bad of a kisser?” 

“Ava! You’re impossible!” Beatrice turned around, unable to keep her eyes from the halo bearer for any longer than was possible. 

“Thanks, I get that a lot.” Ava grinned, although her face quickly fell. “Sorry. I should be the one apologising. I should have taken…  _ That  _ more seriously.” 

“We could…” Beatrice’s neutral face quickly turned into a sly smile. “Try again?” 

“I’d like that.” 

As they kissed again, Beatrice couldn’t help but think of how close she’d been to losing Ava. Twice now. The constant tension of days past was evident in her movements, her passion for the halo bearer clear. Under her kind fingers, she could feel the halo burning her skin. Had Beatrice’s eyes been open, she would have been blinded by it’s golden light. 

“Thank you.” Ava mumbled as they broke apart for the second time. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice countered. “For not leaving me. For not leaving us.” 

“I try.” Ava grinned; an adorable toothy smile.

“You succeed.” Beatrice felt freer than she had in a long time. Maybe ever. 

“Wait.” Ava sat up suddenly, the movement almost violent. “Are you going to get in trouble for this?” 

“Maybe, maybe not.” As much as the rules of the church had been drilled into her, she couldn’t bring herself to worry. “I don’t know if I care.” 

“Really?” Ava watched Beatrice carefully.

“Really. Is that so hard to believe?” 

“I don’t know. I guess I’m still not sure if you’re more or less nun-like than the others.” Ava told her. 

Beatrice couldn’t help but smile at the memory of one of their first conversations. “This is a life that was more or less forced upon me. Yet, I’ve found a family here.” 

“I could say the same thing.” 

“And I’d hope you would.” Beatrice reached out, running her fingers over the halo once more. Even through Ava’s shirt, she could feel the slightest buzz. 

“It likes you.” 

“What?” 

“The halo.” Ava clarified, although her words still weren’t entirely sensical. “Whenever you’re close… It’s sort of like a metal detector, except it only detects Beatrices.” 

“Is that so?” Beatrice raised an eyebrow, the halo had nearly burned her hand off.

“I’m not sure if it’s responding to me or if it has a mind of its own.” Ava continued. “Sometimes, it responds to my changes in emotional state. But there have been other instances where it seems to be giving my advice. Is that normal?” 

“I’ll be honest with you.” Beatrice leaned her head back against the headboard and sighed. “I’ve read through most of the halo bearer diaries. None of them describe the halo as you do. Nor did they wield it as powerfully.” 

“Oh.” Ava nervously wrung her hands. “I still remember the first night with it. Like it was yesterday.” 

Beatrice took Ava’s hand in her own, squeezing it gently. “Tell me about it.” 

“Well…” She had to focus for a moment, her closeness to Beatrice was intoxicating. “After I left the Cradle, I wandered into town. At first I thought I was going crazy, and it was all just a vivid creation of my mind. Then, I threw up on some guy.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“I don’t know. I guess being dead and coming back to life messes your stomach up a bit.” 

At Ava’s admittedly flippant mention of death, Beatrice felt herself tighten. Ava sensed her sudden shift in emotions and quickly continued her story.

“I ran into the street after that and a truck hit me, but I phased through the wall of a nearby store. This is when I really thought I was going crazy, because I broke a bunch of bones but they healed almost instantly.” 

“I can’t imagine what that must have been like.”

“I hadn’t felt pain in years, it was overwhelming. But when I got to the beach, it was worth it.” Ava’s voice dropped to a whisper. 

“Why?” 

“For twelve years I could hear the waves at night, when my window was open. I could hear kids running to go play in the sand and sometimes the other children at the orphanage would be permitted to go. But finally  _ seeing  _ the waves again, lit under the moonlight... It was indescribable.”

Ava closed her eyes. Even in memory, that night was almost holy.    
“For the first time in over a decade, I ran. It was amazing. I couldn’t breathe and my legs immediately cramped up, yet it was perfect. It was the first time I’d moved on my own in so long - I don’t think there are enough words to explain how fantastic it was. I laughed and cried in the sand, people walking by probably thought I was insane.” 

“Would you… Maybe want to go down to the beach again?” Beatrice stumbled over her words. “After this is over, I mean?”

“Yes! Can we?” Ava grinned at the suggestion, causing Beatrice’s pulse to quicken. 

“Of course. We can have a beach day with everyone if you want. Maybe you could even learn how to swim?” 

“After phasing through twenty feet of wall, swimming doesn’t seem quite as scary.” Ava replied quietly. 

“I’d imagine not.” Somehow, Beatrice felt simultaneously nervous and at ease around Ava. 

“I still can’t believe we…  _ Kissed. _ ” Ava breathed, as if scared of being overheard. Her seriousness almost made Beatrice laugh.

“I should probably be more upset, more worried. But you’re all I can seem to focus on.” Beatrice admitted.

“Will you get in trouble if people find out?” 

“I’m not sure. Shannon and Mary were together, and neither of them faced consequences from the church.”

“Mary’s not a nun.” Ava replied, worried entirely for Beatrice. 

“Neither are you.” Beatrice answered, trying to logically work through the situation in her head. Everything she’d ever been taught or forced to learn - she was flying directly in the face of. 

“Fair point.” Ava nodded as if deep in thought, but Beatrice knew that she was trying not to laugh. 

“How about we wait a few days? For Camila’s sake at least, because if we told her now she’d wake up everyone within a ten mile radius.” Beatrice could already imagine Camila’s reaction.

“Ha! You’re right.” Ava slid from her seated position and laid down. “Although we should probably be sleeping as well. It was an insanely long day.” Beatrice did the same, laying next to Ava, her dark hair starkly contrasted against the sheets. 

“It was exhausting. Yet, I’m wide awake.” 

“Me too. But for once, it’s not the halo keeping me awake.” 

“Oh?” 

“It’s you.” Ava grinned. “I think you knew that though.” 

“I certainly had a hunch.” Beatrice smiled. 

Ava sighed deeply before speaking. “I can’t believe what my life has become.”

“How so?” Beatrice had learned to appreciate Ava’s insights when they were offered; the halo bearer usually had a unique take. 

“I was paralysed for years. My life was awful for the most part, but routine and predictable. Then, I was murdered, only to be brought back to life with the halo. But not  _ just  _ that, I have magic powers now, too. Plus, there is a very cute nun who kissed me earlier, which I am still thinking about.” Ava’s explanation made Beatrice blush quite fiercely. 

“You think I’m cute?” Beatrice seemed to get hung up on the least remarkable of Ava’s words.

“Cute, yes.” Ava turned to face, resting on one shoulder. “But you’re so much more than that. You’re brilliant, to start. I can’t even begin to comprehend how smart you are. Plus, you’re beautiful. Like  _ shockingly  _ beautiful. I knew that from the first day we met, even if you were dressed... Slightly conservatively.” 

Her kind honesty was disarming and Beatrice found herself without words for several minutes. Ava watched on silently, with an amused look on her face. Eventually, she found her voice again.

“I… Just…” Unable to string more than two words together, though, Beatrice opted to lean forward and respond in a different way.


	10. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice struggles to cope with the demands of training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive written this story faster than i had originally scheduled it oops

Beatrice awoke before Ava, nervously exciting about the events of the evening prior. With appreciative glances, she watched Ava sleep, her golden hair tangled in the sunlight that streamed through the room. Everything seemed more beautiful, more hopeful than it had last night. Even the tiny dust motes that floated through the rays of light took on a new elegance. A small sigh escaped her lips, a rare happiness. Even with her current optimism, she savoured the feeling. There was no way it would last. 

“Good morning…” Ava rasped, her voice heavy with sleep, her eyes still closed.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Beatrice’s moment of reflection and beauty shattered, replaced by the more familiar nervousness around Ava. 

“No.” Ava opened her eyes and looked at the nun who shared her bed. “God, how do you look so beautiful in the morning?” She asked quietly, almost blissfully unaware of the effect of her sleepy words on Beatrice.

“I…” Beatrice trailed off, her brilliant mind rendered nearly useless. Ava couldn’t help but look on with an amused smile. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to be such a difficult question.” Without a shred of grace, Ava slid from the bed and pulled a hoodie over her pajama shirt. “Hmm… That’s odd.” 

“What?” Sudden worry dripped into Beatrice’s words. 

“My leg is healed.” Ava pulled her pant leg up to the knee, revealing an ugly scar across her calf. 

“It’s scarred.” Beatrice could see the brutal mark from the bed. “Why didn’t the halo heal that away?” 

“Is it supposed to?” Ava dropped her pajamas back down. 

“Do you have any other scars?” Beatrice countered. 

“Not that I’m aware of, no.” 

“I suppose it’s a side effect of the Holy Lance’s power.” Beatrice mused, in a curious concern. Ava’s mind, however, had already drifted to the prospect of food. 

“Would you like to accompany me to breakfast, Sister Beatrice?” 

“Sure. Yes.” Beatrice stood up, painfully aware of how stiffly she was moving. “Don’t call me that. Just Beatrice is fine.” 

“Okay,  _ just Beatrice. _ ” Ava chuckled. 

At breakfast, Ava was chattier than she’d been since her return to the Cradle. Beatrice, however, was nearly silent, struggling desperately to maintain her composure. Covertly, each of her sisters threw her a look during the meal, almost as if they  _ knew. _

“Is there training today?” Ava asked as everyone ate, immune to the silent inquiries of her sisters. 

“Mother Superion has made it optional.” Lilith began. “Although I think it’d be a good idea.”   
“I agree.” Ava nodded simply. A few weeks ago, she’d have avoided training like the plague. But now, Ava was far too aware of its importance. 

“Maybe you could try and land a hit this time?” The corner of Lilith’s mouth twitched into a smile as she spoke.

“That sounds like a challenge, Ava.” Camila added, looking between the two of them. She knew that Ava needed to train as much as possible before she fought Adriel again, but she hoped that making it a bit fun would help ease the tension. 

“You’re on.” Ava replied, stuffing half a muffin into her mouth. 

As her sisters bickered, Beatrice slowly ate her breakfast. This was all she had hoped for, prayed for, when Ava was gone. Yet, it felt hollow. Something about this morning felt false. Was it reality? Or was it her broken mind playing tricks on her - refusing to lighten up even in the face of happiness? Regardless, it was both frustrating and depressing. 

Lilith joined Ava in the courtyard for training, as did Mary. “Alright, show me what you’ve got, meemaw.” 

“What did you just call me?” Lilith growled as she stepped into an offensive stance, circling slowly around Ava on the mat.

“...Meemaw.” Ava replied with a toothy smile. At that, Lilith dove forward, goaded into attack, just as Ava had planned. 

She phased through Lilith’s initial strike, knocking her slightly off balance. With almost surprisingly confident movements, Ava jumped forward and kicked at Lilith. In a quick reversal, Lilith pulled Ava closer and spun her to the ground. 

“Ouch.” Mary whispered as she watched Ava get the wind knocked out of her. “This is hard to watch. I’m going to the range.” She stalked off before anyone could stop her. Seeing Ava get beaten was hard, she couldn’t help but picture Adriel. It was too much like Shannon - the risks they were running terrified Mary, although she’d never admit it aloud. 

“Have fun shooting!” Ava called with a wave, still on the ground. 

“Bye.” Lilith offered a much more reserved farewell, before helping Ava from the ground. “You’re better than this. That was a terrible strategy.” 

“Yeah, I know. I was trying something, it didn’t work out.” Ava muttered, her confidence had clearly taken a hit too. 

“Let’s go again. You’ll get it.” It was difficult for Lilith to be encouraging, especially as she battled her own inner turmoil. Right now, though, she didn’t have a choice. Their lives all hung upon Ava’s success.

On the adjacent mat, Beatrice sparred with Camila. It was the first time she’d sparred since the incident with Sister Abigail. She wasn’t blind to the constant concerned looks Camila gave her, but Beatrice tried to focus all the same. They circled around the mat for a moment, before Camila struck first. Beatrice moved around her easily, throwing a quick jab into her shoulder. In a second, Camila recovered and assumed a more defensive stance. 

Beatrice took advantage of this and threw a few fake strikes, trying to find a weak point in Camila’s defense. The younger girl saw this coming, though, and altered her movements accordingly. Just as Camila moved to counterattack, Beatrice caught a glimpse of Ava, a distraction if there ever was one. She was struck by the halo bearer, just as she was struck by Camila’s fist. 

“Bea?” Beatrice’s eyes snapped open; she was on the ground. “Are you okay?” Camila was kneeling beside her, while Lilith and Ava stood at attention a few feet away. 

“What?” There was blood in her mouth. 

“Are you sure you’re okay to train today?” Camila was understandably worried. “That was the worst I’ve ever seen you fight. Why don’t you take a few minutes to rest?” 

“No.” Beatrice stood, her vision swimming slightly as she did so. 

“Beatrice?” Ava’s voice was small, nervous. Beatrice, meanwhile, felt the familiar flood of anger. Her hands shook in an effort to contain it; she didn’t want Ava to learn of the demon she’d become. 

“How can you pretend that everything is fine?!” Beatrice shouted, almost outside of herself, and at no one in particular. “Adriel could be on his way to kill us  _ right now  _ and we’re just out here training like everything normal!” She knew she was crying, the tears mixing with the blood on her face. 

“What do you suggest we do?” Lilith inquired. It wasn’t her intention to make Beatrice more frustrated, but it was all she accomplished. 

“I… I don’t know!” Beatrice retorted. She wished she were smarter - able to devise a plan that would save them. Her envy for her sisters was clear, they’d obviously detached themselves from the situation more than she ever could. Without another word, she took off towards the building, desperate for solitude. 

Ava stepped forward to follow her, but Camila held up a hand. “I think I ought to handle this one. You two can continue to train.” 

“Oh… Okay.” Ava hung her head as Camila headed across the courtyard. 

“Hey, it’s alright.” Lilith squeezed Ava’s shoulder. “If anyone can talk Beatrice down, it’s Camila.” 

“It’s the fact that she needs talking down that worries me.” 

“I understand.” 

“I just… Is it my fault? I know I haven’t fought amazingly against A-Adriel… But I think I’ve done alright. I’m still here, aren’t I?” Ava stuttered as tears burned at her own eyes. 

“You have. But you can’t control the feelings of others. It’s been a stressful time for us all. They don’t exactly prepare you for this in training.” Lilith spoke with wisdom, although her tone was immeasurably sad. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Ava, don’t get into this again. Let’s continue training. You need to work on your blocks.” Lilith didn’t want to discuss anything emotional. Rather, she couldn’t. While she  _ seemed  _ calmer than her other sisters, she was only held together with thread. 

“Alright.” Ava reluctantly stepped into her fighting stance one more, although her mind was with Beatrice. 

“Bea!” Camila knocked loudly on Beatrice’s door. “Let me in!” She tried the handle once more, but it was locked. “I will shoot the lock off your door, don’t test me.” At that, Camila heard the bolt slide free, so she let herself into the room. 

“I know I’m being ridiculous. You don’t need to tell me.” Beatrice mumbled in a scratchy voice as she crossed the room. Her eyes were rimmed with red, her shirt stained with tears and blood. 

“That wasn’t what I was going to say.” 

“Oh?” Beatrice raised an eyebrow, but she was cynical. 

“I just wanted to see if you were okay. I mean…” Camila backtracked. “It’s clear you’re not, none of us are. But I wanted to help…” The hurt in her eye was obvious. Guilt joined anger in Beatrice’s menagerie of pain. 

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice’s face softened. “I didn’t mean to… Explode out there, I’m just... Terrified.”

“I know.” Camila took a cautious step towards a Beatrice she barely recognised. 

“What am I?” Beatrice looked down at her hands, dotted with blood and shaking violently. 

“What do you mean?” Camila drew closer still, albeit slowly.

“I’m a demon now. Just bad…” Beatrice whispered, backing away from Camila and into the wall. There was nowhere left for her to run. With the cold stone pressed against her back, Beatrice slid to the floor.    
“No. You could never be a demon. Not even close.” Camila sat beside her. 

“How do you know?” Through Beatrice’s entire life, she’d never felt as unsure as she did in this moment. 

“Because I know you.” Camila took one of Beatrice’s hands in her own, willing the shaking to stop. “I’m torn up about everything that has happened in the last few weeks, sometimes I can barely keep it together. I can’t imagine being  _ in love  _ with the halo bearer through all that. Especially with how close she’s been to de-”

“Don’t say it.” 

“I’m sorry.” Camila watched as one of her own tears darkened the fabric of her shirt. 

“I just… Can’t. I’m sorry.” Beatrice apologised as well. The thought of losing Ava made her sick, doubly so after what happened the night prior. “We… Kissed last night.”

“What?!” Camila leapt from the floor with nearly inhuman speed. “You  _ what?! _ ” She was fully shouting.

“Shhh!”

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ shush me right now!” Camila was hopping up and down, waving her hands excitedly. “This is giving me emotional whiplash!” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. It just… It certainly complicates matters, doesn't it?” Beatrice didn’t feel guilty for kissing Ava, but maybe telling Camila would change that for her. Another part of her stayed angry, how dare she be preoccupied with her feelings for Ava when Adriel was still on the loose.

“Yes but… In the best way!” Camila finally stopped jumping and rejoined Beatrice on the floor. She was slightly out of breath. “Was it just one kiss, or like… Several?” 

“Several.” Beatrice mumbled, her cheeks burning wildly.

“Oh my…” The grin on Camila’s face was almost painfully large. 

“I kind of expected you to say that I shouldn’t let this go on any further. That I’m being a horrible sister warrior and I need to focus more on the objective. That my deviance from my vows will be my downfall.” Beatrice spoke quickly, betraying her nerves in seconds. 

“Is that what you expected me to say, or is that what you’re telling yourself right now?” Camila saw through her in an instant.

“The… Latter.” Beatrice admitted quietly, trying to reconcile reality with the dark internal voices she fought. 

“I figured.” Camila leaned her head back against the wall and sighed. “You can’t control who you love, Beatrice. Even for a genius like you, it’s impossible.” 

“I know, but -” 

“No buts. As long as you can keep your cool a little better than you did today, I don’t see how this will be a problem.” 

“I… Alright.” Beatrice was embarrassed about earlier, frustrated that the demon had bested her once more. 

“So, are you going to give me details, or what?” Camila playfully elbowed her. 

“Camila!” 


	11. Temperance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust in one another is reaffirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay soon we can get into the real meat and potatoes of this fic. just gotta set up a little bit more.

Lilith pinned Ava to the ground for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. “Lilith?” Ava whispered.

“Do you want to take a break?” Lilith released Ava from her grip and sat beside her.

“Yes, but that wasn’t what I was going to ask.” Ava pulled herself into a sitting position before continuing. “What was it like?” 

“What was  _ what  _ like?” 

“Hell.” 

“Oh.” Lilith closed her eyes for a moment, envisioning her demonic prison. “It wasn’t like it’s described in the bible. I don’t… Well, I don’t remember it entirely. There are gaps in my memory. From what I do remember…” Lilith struggled to construct a full sentence. “It’s a hard place and not at all what I expected. There were demons running rampant, of course, I guess I’m one of them now…”

“Is that what you think?” Ava wondered, watching Lilith with a curious stare. 

“I mean… Yes.” She paused, considering the question more fully. “At the very least, my abilities are demonic.”

“But you are using them to fight demons.” Ava continued. 

“Yes.” 

“Did you fight them there, too?” 

“Yes. There wasn’t a choice. Only the strong survive. I don’t know what happens if you die twice, but… In…  _ Hell  _ there are levels, worse places you can go. I’d imagine those lower levels are unbearable.” Lilith shivered slightly at the memory. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What did I say about apologies?” 

“I know, I know. But I can still be sorry and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Ava’s stubbornness was returning to the surface. 

“Why do you ask?” Lilith was admittedly curious, Ava wasn’t normally one for introspection. Granted, neither was she. 

“I just… Want to know what it’s going to be like when I get there.” Ava answered after several seconds of silence. 

“Ava…” Her voice dripped with disbelief. “You can’t be serious.” 

“Why can’t I be?” 

“You’re fighting on the same side as I am, aren’t you?” 

“Yes, but I’m not a nun.” Ava hung her head. 

“Heaven isn’t only for nuns, you know.” Lilith replied with a hint of a smile. “There might just be hope for you yet.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that?” Ava looked up at Lilith, the pain in both their eyes clear. 

“I’ve never lied to you. Speaking of which, your form is sloppy.” 

“Rude.” Ava stood up. In truth, Lilith couldn’t bear the serious discussion for a moment longer. She, like Beatrice, was battling her own internal demons. This talk with Ava, these memories, had just made the fight that much more difficult. 

“Give me a challenge this time.” Lilith teased as she rose to meet Ava. 

Mary didn’t spend as much time on the range as she had originally anticipated. Sure, she fired off a few rounds, but she was restless. After a few minutes of trying to repress her emotions, she headed through the gate, towards the small graveyard on the hill. With all the chaos since Ava had gotten the halo, Mary barely had time to visit. Now, she had no excuse. She quickly found the newest plot in the field, marked with a headstone bearing the name of her love. With a heavy heart, Mary sat next to it. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. You wouldn’t believe how fucked up everything has gotten. I know,  _ language,  _ but seriously.” Mary smiled as she began to cry. “You were right, of course. Ava found your warning. But… Well, I fear we might be totally screwed. We’ve faced some crazy odds before, but Adriel is like nothing that’s ever been seen before.” 

A small sigh escaped Mary’s lips as she tried to find the will to continue talking. “I’m scared, Shan. We almost lost Ava recently… Another fight with Adriel is inevitable and he is  _ powerful _ . I can’t shake this fear. It’s too soon to lose another halo bearer. I don’t know if I can watch it again…” Sobs racked her body as Mary doubled over. It took several minutes before she was able to speak again.

“There are a million and one reasons why I wish you were here. Of course, most of them are ‘I miss you.’” With shaking hands, Mary scooped a handful of the freshly turned soil and let it slip between her fingers. “You should see Beatrice. I doubt she’d admit it, but she’s in love with Ava. Truly. When we almost lost her… It became obvious then, although it was plenty clear beforehand. Watching Beatrice when we thought…”

Mary was overcome by tears once more, but recovered after a few moments. “It was an empathy and understanding I hoped to never feel. I can’t watch another halo bearer die. But more so, I don’t know if I’d be able to watch Beatrice go through it. Just as I have…  _ I miss you.  _ I miss you so fucking much. I’ve had to put my emotions on hold, because of the mission, but now they refuse to be held back.” 

“I feel like I’m dying, some days. It hurts so bad that I don’t know how I’ll survive the pain and live for another minute. Of course, I do, but the feeling never subsides. There’s so much I want to tell you about… This just isn’t the same.” Her eyes burned as looked at the grave. Shannon’s grave. The grave of the only woman she’d ever love. Deep down, Mary always knew there could never be anyone else. 

“I know you wouldn’t want me here feeling sorry for myself on your behalf, but here I am.” Mary laughed through the tears. “I’ve been praying more, lately. For you, for the team. They’ve all been through so much… I pray that no one else ends up here next to you. At least, not for many years to come.” Mary stood, although her body shook with emotion. “I miss you. Every breath that I breathe is a painful reminder that you’re no longer by my side. I hope, wherever you are, that you’re happy. I love you, Shannon.” 

Her journey back to the Cradle was a slow one. She was in no hurry and there was nowhere to go. From the hill, she could see Ava and Lilith training in the courtyard. Despite Lilith’s best instruction, Ava still seemed to be losing more often than not. It was a worrying sight, at the very least, no one was naïve to the inevitable danger of a free Adriel.

After dinner, Ava laid in bed. She was tired after a day of training, even with the power of the halo. The plain ceiling stared back at her as she recounted the events leading up to today. Just as her mind was fading into the past, or perhaps fading in slumber, the halo burned in her back. Ava sat up, fearing the worst. A moment later, there was a knock on the door. She couldn’t help but grin as she spoke.

“Beatrice, come in.” The door swung open, revealing an exhausted looking Beatrice.

“The halo warned you, didn’t it.” She smiled at Ava, although it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“It did.” Ava patted the bed beside her, motioning for Beatrice to join her. 

“I’m sorry. About earlier.” Beatrice whispered once she had sat beside the halo bearer. She was in her pajamas, as usual, her habit absent. Ava could barely focus on her words, instead admiring her beautiful dark hair and the shadow of a collarbone that disappeared beneath her shirt. 

“What?” Ava tried to focus. “You have nothing to apologise for.” 

“I disagree. I shouldn’t have freaked out like that during training. That wasn’t me.. It was… Nothing.” She didn’t want to tell Ava about the demon, lest acknowledging it further made it more real. 

“Why do you feel as though you can’t talk to me about serious things?” 

“I…” Beatrice froze, almost impressed with Ava’s intuitive assessment. “You’ve been through so much, I have no right to be -”

“I’m going to stop you there.” Ava grabbed Beatrice’s hand, squeezing it tightly in her own. “You have every right to feel  _ whatever  _ you want. One person’s suffering does not invalidate another’s.” 

“You sound like Camila.” Beatrice breathed, painfully aware of the demon clawing around inside her. 

“Please, Beatrice. Talk to me. I… I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep things from me.” 

“I don’t want you to k-know what I’ve become.” 

“There is nothing you can be, nothing you can say, that will scare me. I know, the halo knows, that you are the same caring Beatrice you’ve always been to me.” Ava spoke as confidently as she could. 

“Sometimes…” A deep breath rattled inside her as Beatrice bracing herself to admit her darkness to Ava. “I can’t control myself anymore. There’s this… Sick anger. It’s always just below the surface, waiting to take over.”

“Beatrice you have every right to be angry, I am too. We all are. I just…” Ava laughed, but it was entirely humourless. “You have kept such a strict and rigid control on yourself, for years, I’d imagine. After everything that’s happened with Ad- him, I’m not surprised that…” A tear slid down her cheek as Ava failed to complete her thought. 

“I’m scared, Ava. I’ve been terrified for days, ever since…” Beatrice’s voice cracked as she began to weep, crying for everything they’d lost. 

Ava didn’t speak, instead opting to wrap her arms around Beatrice, letting her soak the shoulder of her shirt. It pained her to see Beatrice like this, even the halo seemed to ache in protest. Internally, Ava knew that had their roles been reversed, had Beatrice been taken by Adriel… She would have torn apart the entire country in desperate anger. Even since being back, she began to miss her favourite nun after only minutes apart. Imagining a darker reality was too agonising to bear.

“I was scared that I lost you.” Beatrice mumbled once she found her voice again. 

“You haven’t. I’m here, I’m right here.” Ava ran a hand through Beatrice’s hair and placed the gentlest kiss on her forehead. 

“I feel useless. I feel stupid. We’re going to have to face him again and I’ve done nothing to help. I’ve let my stupid emotions blind me, make me weak.” The demon clawed into her heart once more; Beatrice’s familiar anger seemed most often directed at herself. 

“You’re right.” Ava swallowed, trying to suppress her own fear of Adriel. “We are going to have to face Adriel again. And I will kill him.” 

“How can you be so confident?” Beatrice’s dark eyes were focused on the halo bearer.

“I was close, last time. Everyday I learn to fight a little bit better and how to control the halo. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t terrified, but I’m determined, too.” 

“I…” Beatrice closed her mouth before finishing her sentence. Desperately, painfully, she wanted to tell Ava what was obvious to everyone else. She just couldn’t, though. Not yet.

“Yes?” Ava raised an eyebrow, as if daring Beatrice to complete her thought. She would do no such thing.

“I’m still sorry. But, I’m also proud of you.” It was a weak save, but Beatrice knew it would have to do. It wasn’t the right time. If she was going to tell Ava the truth, it had to be perfect. 

“Pride is a sin, Beatrice.” Ava muttered as she laid down across the bed with a smile on her face. While their conversation was undeniably dark, she felt happy and honoured to have earned Beatrice’s trust. 

“Only in oneself, Ava.” Beatrice laid beside Ava, closer than she would have dared even two days ago. “Since when do you care about sins, anyhow?” She couldn’t help but be amused, for someone who spent her formative years in a religious orphanage, Ava knew blissfully little of the scripture. 

“I don’t, but I know someone who does.” Ava’s grin grew, her cheeks flushed. 

“Who?” 

“You, of course.  _ Saint  _ Beatrice.” She whispered, with a giggle. 

“I’m no Saint, Ava.” 


	12. Humility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A threat gathers on the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

Wraiths shrieked through the air, inky red against the clear blue sky. Below them, Adriel walked with an unmistakable confidence, the lance firmly in hand. Ava gasped at the sight. Behind her were the unmistakable walls of Cat’s Cradle, a monolithic stone structure atop the hill. Undoubtedly it was Adriel’s final destination. With all the speed Ava could muster, she ran ahead, desperate to warn her sisters. It was too late. 

When she phased through the wall, the sisters who had been training outside were already locked in battle. Half of them were possessed, their auras clearly soaked in red. Others fought tirelessly against them and the cobblestones were quickly drenched in blood. Members of the OCS made fantastic candidates for wraith possession - sure, their faith made the initial control more difficult. But once that was over, Adriel was left with well-trained and armed soldiers. He couldn’t have utilised his power better, it was brilliant in its evil.

Ava searched for her friends amongst the injured and fighting, although she couldn’t find a familiar face in the crowd. Her panic was palpable and growing by the instant. Everything around her felt fake, her surroundings contrived in an odd way. As she whipped around, the searing blade of the Holy Lance stabbed through her stomach. The pain ripped through her body and simultaneously she felt as though she were watching herself from above. Her failure was clear. 

“Lilith!?” Camila grasped her sister’s shoulders tightly, shaking her against the bed. “Lilith!” With a deep gasp, Lilith sat bolt upright, her hair matted with sweat. 

“Camila?” Her confusion was obvious; her mind existed somewhere between two realities. “Why are you in my room?”

“I could hear you screaming through. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Camila’s explanation was bashful.    
“Oh…” Lilith paused, her eyes darting around rapidly without seeing. “I’m sorry for waking you sister.” 

Instead of leaving, Camila sat on the edge of Lilith’s bed. “What were you dreaming about?” 

“I dreamt as if I was Ava… Adriel was here, within the cradle.” Lilith shuddered as the details rushed back. “He possessed many of our sisters, pitting them against one another… It was a bloodbath.” Before Camila could respond, Lilith inhaled sharply and threw herself from the bed. “It wasn’t a dream! Go wake the others!” Lilith ran into the hallway, the sound of her bare feet echoing in the silence. 

A few minutes later, all five of them were gathered in Mother Superion’s office, as Lilith recounted her dream once more. Ava stood stiffly next to Beatrice, her eyes wide as she took in Lilith’s words. Even during her second explanation of her dream, Lilith deliberately neglected to mention the ending. It would do nothing but scare her sisters, a further acknowledgement of a dark possibility. 

“With all due respect, Lilith, how sure are you that this was more than a dream?” Mother Superion asked from behind her desk. Exhaustion hung under her eyes and her expression was beyond cold.

“I believe her.” Ava answered before anyone else could speak. “Lilith was already right about… Him once. I’d rather not take the chance.”

“How are we going to defend ourselves against him if he can possess our sisters? How much time do we have?” Mary spoke quickly, trying to work through their incredibly limited options. 

“Send everyone away.” Beatrice said to Mother Superion. “Everyone. Except us five and yourself. If there’s no one here when he arrives, there’ll be no one to possess. He will lose his biggest advantage.” 

“It’s a risk… But it’s brilliant.” Mother Superion picked up the phone on her desk and quickly made a few calls, while they stood in shocked silence. 

“If all five of us are fighting him at once, he won’t stand a chance!” Ava almost smiled, her optimism was contagious. 

Beatrice squeezed her hand tightly, their earlier conversation still fresh in her mind. She would have given up anything to keep Ava from battle, although that obviously wasn’t an option.

“Lilith, you still haven’t answered my other question.” 

“I don’t know, Mary.” Lilith’s voice was immediately sharp, but softened as she continued. “It was broad daylight in my vis- dream. If that’s anything to go by, we have a few hours.”

“A few hours. Great.” Camila mumbled, torn between Ava’s optimism and Mary’s realism about the rapidly approaching battle. 

Mother Superion hung up the phone. A few minutes later, there was a mass exodus of black through the courtyard and outside the walls of the Cradle. There was an odd emptiness after that, yet it would likely keep them safe. 

“I would like to  _ strongly  _ suggest that the five of you try to eat breakfast before getting dressed and ready. If Lilith is correct, you have a few hours to prepare. Don’t squander them.” Mother Superion instructed, her words stern.

“Yes ma’am.” Ava nodded to her, shockingly respectful, before leaving the room. She was quickly followed by her sisters, all of whom were surprised by her confidence.

“Ava, you’re being awfully cavalier about this.” Beatrice whispered as they walked through the now-empty halls towards the dining room. 

“I’m confident in our chances.” Ava sighed and stopped walking, letting their sisters continue down the hall so that she may speak with Beatrice alone. 

“As the warrior nun, I am supposed to be a leader. A job which, with a few tiny exceptions, I have failed at thus far. Believe me when I say that I am terrified of facing Adr- him again.” Her voice was terse, almost angry, in a manner that Beatrice had never before experienced. “But I also know that I was close to killing him last time; that I  _ would  _ have killed him if I had been a little less sloppy. It’s not a mistake I intend to make a second time.” 

“Ava…” Beatrice didn’t know what to make of Ava’s words.

“Beatrice, please.” She held Beatrice’s hand gently in her own. Both of them were shaking. “I know that I can defeat Adriel. I need you to believe in me too.” 

“I do, Ava. I do.” With tears in her eyes, Beatrice continued. “But I’m terrified. For you, for us. I can’t… Lose you.”

“You won’t. I promise.” 

Just as their sisters turned the corner, Ava and Beatrice shared a passionate kiss in the hallway. They were tightly pressed into one another, against the cold, stone wall of the corridor. As they broke apart, there were tears on both their faces, glistening against their newly reddened cheeks. 

“I believe in you, Ava.” Beatrice whispered as they began to walk again. She reached for the halo, spreading her hand against it, savouring the warmth. Internally, she asked the halo to help keep Ava safe. It was a desperate plea, barely a prayer, but it provided her a modicum of calm. 

“How  _ the fuck _ are we supposed to eat at a time like this?” Mary slammed her fork against the table; the sound bounced around in the eerily empty hall.

“Mary…” Lilith reached out, taking her sister by the wrist. “I’d imagine Mother Superion wants us to be at our best when he… Arrives.” 

“I understand the why, what I don’t understand is the how.” She buried her head in her hands for a moment, before looking up once more. “It’s not like there’s anything to prepare. We have to just sit patiently and wait.” 

“Mary. Trust me, I know it’s going to be difficult to wait for him to arrive.” Ava spoke softly and Beatrice could swear the halo was glowing slightly beneath her shirt. “But at least we’re not alone in this torture.” 

“When did you become so wise?” Mary regarded Ava with a curious look, with a hint of admiration. 

“You believed in me before anyone else did.” Ava leaned forward, she was determined. “You believed I would assume my role as the warrior nun. I need you to believe in me now, too.”

“I do.” At that moment, it was difficult for Mary to see Ava at all. As the faint light of the halo filled the room, Mary was nearly positive that she was hearing the words of Shannon, rather than those of Ava. 

“Glad to hear it.” Ava mumbled, her mouth stuffed with bread. The halo’s light had dimmed. 

“And she’s back.” Lilith quipped, although she was secretly grateful for Ava’s presence. Seeing her die, even in a dream, had been heart-wrenching. “Knew that couldn’t last.” 

“Are you doubting my maturity?” Ava was jokingly aghast. Beatrice allowed herself a small smile, as her sisters descended into bickering, a default during stressful times. 

“I’m questioning its existence.” Camila mumbled, with a shy grin. 

“How dare you!” Ava put a hand to her chest in feigned disbelief. “I am your  _ leader. _ ” 

“Technically, at least.” Beatrice couldn’t resist joining in, for a distraction at the very least. 

“Beatrice, my dear, you wound me.” The halo bearer’s needless dramatics caused the entire table to laugh. Under the table, Beatrice wound her hand around Ava’s, a warm comfort between them.

In the armoury, Beatrice stood apart from her sisters. She strapped her familiar knives on, while looking at the courtyard through one of the building's massive windows. Above them, the sun was beginning to rise, painting the clouds a familiar pink hue. It seemed lately that the early morning sky was haunting Beatrice, ever since… she shook her head, trying to clear the superstitions. Her fear was getting the best of her, and if she wanted to succeed, she needed a clear head. 

“What are you thinking about?” It was Lilith who had suddenly appeared behind Beatrice. 

“My self-indulgent fear, mostly.” Beatrice didn’t have the energy to lie. She chanced a glance over towards the shelves, where Camila, Mary, and Ava were laughing about something.

“Are you scared of your own death, or hers?” Lilith wondered, even though she already knew the answer. 

“Hers. Or any of you. We lost Shannon only recently, and you as well.” Beatrice remembered each of their funerals vividly, the recollection a sharp pain. 

Lilith sighed, thinking once again of her prophetic dream. “I’ll do my best to keep us all safe.” She vowed.

“As will I.” Beatrice was fiercely determined, less so for her duty and more so for the love she had for her family.    
“Don’t lose yourself along the way.” Lilith whispered, without clarification. Beatrice didn’t reply, instead opting to stay silent as stare at the sky before her. 

It took longer than was strictly necessary for each of them to gather their weapons. The uncharacteristic procrastination had a clear cause though; a brooding presence of the horizon. This battle with Adriel felt unmistakably like the brink - a defining moment that would later be referred to in terms of  _ before  _ and  _ after.  _

Eventually, the five of them stood in the courtyard, armed to the teeth. Mother Superion watched from her office window, a massive rifle hung over the sill. With practiced hands, she chambered a Divinium bullet. She knew they wouldn’t be enough to kill Adriel, but they would certainly be enough to slow him down. A well-placed shot could, quite realistically, buy her girls a few seconds of time. In the heat of battle, that could be the difference between life and death. While she tried to suppress her feelings for the sake of the mission, a solitary tear rolled to the floor. Losing another one of her children, so soon, was unbearable to even contemplate. 

Ava held Beatrice’s hand as they stood in waiting. The jokes had seemed to dry up. As the day grew longer, the optimism had faded. Granted, they felt more like a team than they had in the days past, but a darkness hung in the air. It was a still day, there was barely a breeze. Cat’s Cradle was normally bustling with activity, never silent, save for the small hours of the morning. Yet now, it’s stone walls ached in silence, the tiniest sounds echoing across the expanse. 

Beatrice felt Ava suddenly stiffen against her. “He’s here.” 


	13. Greed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adriel returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops

Ava watched the wraiths swirl overhead as Adriel triumphant strode across the courtyard to meet him. She almost laughed at the absurdity of it, Adriel certainly had a flair for the dramatic. 

“Clever move.” Adriel commended them with a nod, as he gestured towards the empty courtyard. With a flick of his wrist, he sent the wraiths away. “I assume that was the doing of our lovely Beatrice.” He flashed her a sickening smile, extending his arms forward. The ground cracked below him, splitting into two. From within, two Tarasks pulled themselves up onto the stone.

“Ava?!” Beatrice watched on in panic. It had been her idea to send everyone away, but she had no idea that Adriel could summon more than just wraiths. 

“I’ll take Adriel! Keep the demons back!” She shouted in reply, running towards him with the Divinium sword glowing in hand. Beatrice joined Mary in fighting one of the Tarasks, while Camila and Lilith were battling the other. 

“I missed you.” Adriel gloated as he stabbed towards Ava with the Holy Lance. She phased through his attack and swung her sword towards him.

“I can’t say the feeling’s mutual.” Ava bit through gritted teeth and she continued to slash at her enemy. Just like before, Ava felt Adriel’s familiar grip around her mind and it knocked her to the ground. She didn’t scream, this time, too determined to survive. As he raised the lance to strike, Ava rolled away at the last moment. 

A loud bang echoed across the courtyard as a blue bullet spun through the air, knocking Adriel to the ground. He looked up towards Mother Superion’s office, summoning a vortex of wraiths towards the window. Ava opened her mouth to yell a warning, but Adriel took her mind once more. She twisted her feet into the ground, the halo burning with raw ferocity. Her knees threatened to buckle, but she stayed strong, even as the violent images flooded her mind. With a deep breath and surprising focus, Ava pushed him out, forcing him to fight more traditionally. For the moment, at least. 

The pounding footsteps of the Tarasks shook the courtyard. Lilith assessed the strength of the beast more calmly than Camila, carefully teleporting around it. 

“Aim for the eyes.” Lilith instructed while distracting the demon, giving Camila a few seconds to prepare her crossbow. At the last second, Lilith teleported atop the beast’s head, grabbing its horns, and pulling upwards to get Camila a clear shot. With two near silent arrows, their Tarask was now blinded and it screeched in agony.

Lilith reappeared a moment later, next to Camila. The beast charged angrily away from them, until it collided with one of the external walls. Massive stone bricks tumbled down, crushing the demon below it. Underneath the rocky deluge, its screams slowly dissipated, until they quieted all together. 

“Nice shots.” Lilith muttered, as they ran towards the second Tarask. Camila didn’t reply, she was too focused on making it out of this fight alive, with her sisters by her side. 

Mary fired shell after shell into the demon’s belly. It howled in range and charged forward, although she dove out of the way. While Mary reloaded and recovered herself, Beatrice launched her knives towards the beast’s leg, effectively crippling it. The Tarask turned, swiping at Beatrice, knocking her to the ground in a bloodied heap. 

“Hey, fucker!” Mary shouted, attracting the demon back towards her. It limped forward, only to be blasted twice more, shards of Divinium splashing across the wounds. 

“Bea, are you okay?” Camila asked as she pulled Beatrice shakily to her feet.

“I’m fine.” Beatrice mumbled, although her vision swam and her bones ached. She pulled a Divinium blade from her belt, unwilling to give up so easily. Meanwhile, Lilith teleported onto this Tarask as she did the last one, giving Mary a clean shot at the eyes. Two huge bangs punctuated the air, Mary found her target. 

It dove towards them in anger, moving surprisingly fast for it’s injuries. Beatrice ignored the screaming pain and ran forward, sliding underneath the Tarask as it dove. She reached up, stabbing her blade through the demon’s stomach, spilling sickening blood across the cobblestones. The beast collapsed as it’s insides fell out, a brutal kill to be sure, but effective nonetheless. 

As her sisters fought the hulking demons, Ava continued to battle Adriel. She fought slightly better than last time, drawing upon some of what Lilith had taught her. Yet, it seemed too little, too late. It takes longer than a day to become a skilled combatant. Adriel’s clothes were soaked with blood from Ava’s successful strikes, but the opposite was true as well. Using his mental abilities, he forced Ava to the ground - she was weakened after several minutes of nonstop fighting. 

With no one to save her this time, he drove the lance into Ava’s chest. She screamed as it pierced her skin and she dropped the Divinium sword to catch the shaft. Both her hands wrapped tightly around it, keeping the lance from piercing more than a few inches. The pain was nearly unbearable still, Ava knew there were tears in her eyes. Adriel lifted the Holy Lance, along with Ava, from the ground. Blood splashed to the ground below her as Adriel raised her into the air.

She extended an arm, reaching out for Adriel’s head. The halo was scorching inside and Ava knew that if she could make contact with him, she could still win. Her bloody fingers waved in the air, a tiny space between her and Adriel. 

“So close.” He smiled, his face bruised and bloodied.

“So… Close.” Ava echoed, smiling of her own accord. 

Using her grip on the lance, she pulled the weapon further into herself, screaming as it pierced through her body. On the other side of the courtyard, her sisters just defeated the second Tarask. They were sprinting at once, Beatrice leading the pack despite her injuries. She felt nothing, save for desperation. She had to make it in time, she  _ had  _ to. 

Ava took a deep breath, panting as she did. The lance had pierced one of her lungs. She looked out towards her sisters and time seemed to slow for a moment. While their faces were contorted in fear and anger, Ava thought of different memories with them - happier times. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth as she smiled at her family for the last time. With a determined grunt, she pulled the Holy Lance into herself another inch, and fiercely grabbed Adriel’s head. 

Her hand, lit with the light of the halo, pushed through his skull. It was violent and primal, but Ava was only doing as the halo instructed. Perhaps a more apt explanation is in order. Ava was doing what needed to be done to protect not only her family, but the world. As Adriel weakened under her grip, he lowered the Holy Lance, furthering Ava’s pain beyond the imaginable.

As it made contact with the halo in her back, Ava felt as though she was on fire; an electric current ran through her body. It’s light was blinding, it poured from Adriel’s eyes, his shouts joining her own. They both dropped to their knees and Ava could feel the pressure of the lance increase on the halo. Golden, holy light enveloped them both. The halo was deafening in it’s brightness. 

Ava felt Adriel die in her hands, and pushed his corpse away from her. She tried to stand as the world closed in around her. Instead, she fell. First to her knees, then fully, just as they halo cracked within her. 

“Ava!” Beatrice reached her first, cradling the bloodied form of the halo bearer in her arms. It was too late. There were no chances for final words, no chances to say goodbye.

Beatrice looked at Ava, willing her to move, to smile, to do  _ anything. _ The stillness was stifling. She couldn’t breathe, could barely think, her brilliant mind barely able to put the pieces together. It was as she feared, the incomprehensible had come to pass. Beatrice felt as if her soul had been plucked out and trampled, only to be shoved back into her body. The world around her was nonexistent as she held a hand to Ava’s rapidly cooling face.

There were thousands of thoughts running through her head and there was a single thought running through her head. Ava was dead. She couldn’t help but think of everything that  _ didn’t  _ happen between. All the things they had decided would be better suited to after. Only now, there was no after. Her shoulders shook with sobs as she cradled Ava’s body, the weight of what she had lost unbearable. 

Behind her, Camila ducked away, aggressively vomiting into the garden before returning. She clung onto Lilith’s sleeve, both of them crying freely. The tears left tracks across the dirt on their faces. Mary stood alone, solemnly, watching what she had feared come to fruition before her. In the upstairs window, Mother Superion watched them. If she didn’t lose her post after this, she’d retire. She couldn’t stand to watch her children die or suffer any longer. Beatrice’s awful wails cemented her decision; the sound bounced around the ruined courtyard. It was a symphony of death. 


	14. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice is given something to hold on to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mental health? who is she?

Water steamed in the shower, scalding Beatrice’s skin. Even as it bit at her exposed wounds, she felt nothing. Showering was a necessity, made clear by the amount of dried blood and dirt that swirled down the drain. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel like she was showering off a part of Ava, too. She looked down at her trembling hands. Earlier today, Ava held that hand. Now, she’d never hold it again. 

She wrapped her arms around herself as the painful sobs returned. Beatrice cried so deeply she feared she’d suffocate. If her ribs weren’t already broken, the force of her crying surely would have snapped them anew. A scream escaped her lips as she smacked her hand against the shower wall. Everything reminded her of Ava, a pain that extended far beyond any injury. Only a few days ago, Ava showered in this same stall, while she sat on the bench just outside.

With reverent movements, Beatrice ran a finger over the handle. Everything hurt. 

“Beatrice?” A sudden voice from outside made her jump. She’d been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t heard anyone come in. “It’s me.” 

“Camila.” Beatrice recognised her voice once she spoke again. 

“Are you okay?” Camila’s voice was raspy and hoarse. It was obvious that the younger girl had spent the entire day crying.

Beatrice sighed. The angry demon inside begged to say,  _ what a stupid fucking question.  _ Of course, she was much more polite. 

“I’m fine.” Her words were shockingly composed, eerie in their normalcy and lack of emotion. “Thank you, sister.” 

“Bea…” Camila trailed off, stunned at Beatrice’s sudden coldness. She was terrifying right now, Camila took an unconscious step back. 

“I’m sorry.” Beatrice’s voice cracked, barely audible of the sound of the water. “I can’t… I just…” The sobs returned, Beatrice was powerless to stop them. 

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Camila whispered, sitting down on the bench outside. She waited for several minutes, until Beatrice finally regained the power of speech. 

“I failed.” Beatrice said as she turned the water off. She reached out for her towel and wrapped herself up in it before stepping into the room. 

The irony wasn’t lost on her that she and Ava had been in this same position days ago. Just the thought of it made her feel ill. Camila turned to face her sister, their bloodshot eyes matching one another. 

“We’ve all failed.” Camila watched Beatrice carefully. Her sister seemed smaller than she remembered. “You need to go to the infirmary.” She added, since Beatrice’s injuries were on clear display. 

“I can’t.” Beatrice whispered as she pulled on her clothing. 

“Beatrice, please.” Camila pleaded. “If you’re not going to go at least let me help you.” 

“Fine… But not here.” Beatrice couldn’t stand to be in the room for another moment.

“You can come to my room.” Camila offered, as if able to sense Beatrice’s motivations. 

“Thank you.” 

In Camila’s room, Beatrice sat down as instructed. On the desk, Camila picked through her first aid supplies, working through Beatrice’s many injuries. They didn’t talk for several minutes, while Beatrice worked hard to keep from falling apart. 

“There’s going to be a service. Tomorrow morning.” Camila mumbled, eventually, as she stitched up a wound on Beatrice’s arm.

“Alright.”

“We also thought…” Camila hestited, as fresh tears spilled to the floor. “Tomorrow night. We could do something special. Just the f-four of us.” 

“Four.” Beatrice echoed, miles away from the conversation. She thought of Ava, her stories, her smile, her light. “We should go to the beach.” She added in a tight whisper. 

“Okay. I’ll sign out a car.” Camila was trying to be accommodating. For as awful as she felt, she couldn’t even imagine the pain Beatrice was in. 

“No car. We need to walk.”

“Oh?” Camila raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question it. Instead, she continued to clean up Beatrice’s wounds. 

“Thank you.” She added after many more minutes of silence. 

“For what?” 

“Everything.” Just because she was falling apart, didn’t give her permission to treat her sisters with disrespect. Camila was doing everything she could to help.

Mary found herself at Shannon’s grave that afternoon, just as she had been the day prior. She sat cross-legged in front of the headstone. In the past few hours, someone had already dug a new plot adjacent to her. The sight of it made her heart ache. 

“We failed, Shan.” Mary muttered, her tears splashing into the soil. “Although I’m guessing you already knew that.” 

She wiped her eyes with no pretense of gentleness before continuing to speak. “ _ Fuck _ , we failed so much. I guess…” She cast another glance towards the plot to her left. “I guess you’ll be meeting Ava soon. I hope you two get along. I have an odd feeling you will. Just… Keep an eye on her for me, won’t you? Between the two of us, she can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.” Mary smiled, slightly, even as she continued to cry. “I miss you. I love you.” 

Lilith stormed through the wreckage of the north wing, teleporting around the massive piles of rubble when needed. Eventually, in the dusty debris, she found a half ruined staircase and climbed to the top floor of the building. All she wanted was to be alone, and since most of the chapter had returned, this was likely her best shot. She found a dark corner with a view of the courtyard. Only now could she truly break down.

As she looked at the busy courtyard below, she could still see Ava’s bloodstains on the ground in the distance. It made Lilith sick to see, sick to think about. Everything the OCS was built upon was a lie. Not just that, the ‘angel’ the OCS was built upon killed their halo bearer. She’d spent the last several years being groomed to become a halo bearer in her own right, yet now the halo was broken - useless. Was her entire faith a farce? Couple that with her sojourn in Hell, Lilith had everything to crumble over. 

In truth, her heart felt like the building she was currently sitting in. Torn apart by demons was a surprisingly apt description of her life the last few weeks. It was almost funny in its accuracy. At least, it would have been if it weren’t so dark. Ava had grown close to her, to all of them, despite her initial…  _ Difficulties  _ with the OCS. Only to be taken so soon. Lilith held her face in her hands, as if it would help contain the sadness. It did not. 

Camila had always been the happiest of their team, the one everyone could count on to smile. As the day wore on, she tried everything she could to keep her hands busy. She walked around the buildings, over and over again, praying for a single distraction. Try as she might, there was nothing that could keep her from thinking of Ava. 

Eventually, she found her way back to her bedroom. Hastily, she kicked off her shoes and crawled into bed, pulling the blanket over her head. It blocked nothing more than the light. Safe within her cocoon, Camila cried for hours. Her internal joy had died with Ava, another incomprehensible loss. 

Beatrice laid in bed that night, unsurprisingly unable to find slumber. It had been several days since she slept in her own room, but she couldn’t bring herself to visit Ava’s room. Hell, she couldn’t bring herself to even pass the hallway leading to it. The halo bearer’s chamber was not only holy, it was cursed. 

As the sun rose once more, Beatrice drifted in and out of a half-sleep, a hazy dream. Golden sunlight poured through her window, painting large, bright squares across the room. In her daze, Beatrice reached across the bed, searching for her halo bearer. She was blissfully unaware of the battle the day prior, for a beautiful moment, until her hand reached the cold pillow that lay by her side. Her eyes snapped open as the memories rushed back at a painful speed. Beatrice curled up, desperately hoping that she could keep herself together. If the pain ended up killing her, though, she knew she would be happy with that. It didn’t matter anymore, did it?

A knock at her door came sometime later. The movement of the sunlight across the room was the only indication of time passing that Beatrice had. Even that made her ache for Ava, every time they woke up together in the morning, the golden bright seemed to focus on her specifically. Reluctantly, Beatrice opened the door.

“Are you ready?” Camila asked in a whisper. She looked exhausted and like she’d cried the entire night. Of course, Beatrice probably looked the same. 

“No.”

“I’ll wait out here for you.” Camila gave her a nod before Beatrice closed the door. She looked around the room. Everything felt so quiet and still. It felt  _ wrong. _

With deft movements she pulled on her traditional clothing. She hesitated with the habit for a moment, though. Ava always complimented her hair and she wasn’t feeling connected to her faith in the slightest. A small sigh escaped her lip as she pulled it over her head. It felt like defeat. But, it made Beatrice feel safe in an odd way. At the very least, it helped shield her from view. 

Mary and Lilith met them at the door of the church. There wasn’t a colour worn between them nor did anyone say a word. Gently, Mary pulled open the heavy door, allowing the dim candlelight to spill into the hall. Beatrice stared into the chamber for a moment, a sea of black hoods and whispered prayers. Down the seemingly endless walkway, a casket. Her entire body shook at the sight of it, she didn’t know if she could make herself move. Was she strong enough for this? 

Camila took Beatrice’s hand, while Mary took Lilith’s. The four of them walked together. Eyes followed their interminable journey, expressions full of sympathy. Beatrice hung her head, barely aware of those around her. They reached the casket both too quickly and not fast enough. She laid a trembling hand on the lid. It was cold. Part of her wanted to open it, to take one final glance at Ava’s beautiful face. Beatrice couldn’t, though. The finality of it scared her, but not as much as her potential reaction.

Mother Superion pulled Beatrice aside, several minutes later. She too had been crying, her eyes rimmed with red. 

“I saved this, for you.” Mother Superion whispered, pressing a small package into Beatrice’s hands. “The rest of the pieces were hidden, as is our rules.” She pulled Beatrice into a hug before departing the room, leaving her alone to open the parcel.

She leaned heavily against the wall, carefully unwrapping the paper. Inside, a tiny shard from the halo. Beatrice clutched it tightly, holding it to her chest. Fresh tears fell to her shirt; it was odd to feel the halo so cold. Through her tears, Beatrice smiled, only for a moment. She remembered when Ava told her that the halo ‘liked her,’ whatever that meant. She remembered Ava making her feel it, the warm buzz nestled between her shoulder blades. Her gratitude was beyond painful, but she was thankful for it anyhow. 

The rest of the day passed in a teary blur. Other sisters offered condolences, most of which were handled by Mary or Lilith. Beatrice hardly spoke at all as Camila led her through the day’s proceedings. Eventually, it was time for dinner, although Beatrice skipped the meal entirely. Instead, she changed into civilian clothes and prepared for her journey to the beach. It felt like a pilgrimage. 

Her sisters joined her outside the Cradle’s walls, and they walked silently through the moonlight. Beatrice kept one hand stuffed in her pocket the entire time, squeezing the shard of the halo she had been given. It was the only piece of Ava she really had left. Her other hand was kept by Camila, who had barely let Beatrice go the entire day. It was as if Camila was worried Beatrice would vanish entirely without an anchor to their world. Granted, she was entirely right. 

As they marched along in silence, the sound of the ocean grew louder. Beatrice knew they were essentially recreating Ava’s first night with the halo. When Ava told her about it, Beatrice had wanted to recreate that evening with her. As a date, perhaps. Instead, it was a funeral. It was four devastated women, all of whom had just buried another friend too soon. The silence around them was almost violent in its perpetuity. 

The moon reflected against the gentle waves, shards of white amongst the darkness. When Beatrice’s feet hit the sand, she clearly imagined Ava, running through it like a madwoman. The thought hurt, they always did, but Beatrice welcomed it with open arms. She refused to forget even a single detail and would endure any suffering to ensure that. 

Mary spoke first, as the four of them stood in a semicircle, facing the sea. “Ava, you idiot.” A tiny laugh broke through her tears. “We were all just starting to like you before… Before…” She paused heavily, weighing out the words in her mind. “I hope you find Shannon up there. And… I just want you to know, I was right about believing in you. Told you so, kid.” Mary’s sentiments were intended to be ‘light’ but her tone was anything but.

“Ava, you were a better halo bearer than I ever would have been.” Lilith spoke in barely a whisper, the throat raw from crying. “Although I may have never admitted it otherwise… You brought a lightness to our team, it was something we didn’t even know we needed. We already miss you so much…” She had intended to continue speaking, but she couldn’t find the words to carry on. Camila tried to add her own thoughts, but all that came out were sobs. Her tears fell heavily in the sand. Instead, it was Beatrice’s turn. She took a deep breath and squeezed the halo shard in her pocket; the tiny piece of Ava gave her the strength she needed to continue. 

“I could fill a thousand books with the words we didn’t get to say, a thousand more with all we didn’t get to do.” Beatrice took a step forward, away from her sisters for a moment. In a whisper, she added the only words that  _ truly  _ mattered, the one ones whose absence she regretted. 

“I love you.” 


End file.
